Ah, the glamour and glitz of the Oscar red carpet!
So much to kibbitz about.
Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker) stode up dateless (unless the woman at her side was a lesbo pal) underscoring the price of fame.
Talented Bigelow acted oblivious to the raging "Hurt Locker" controversy on the red carpet all around her and kept repeating ad nauseam to everyone within earshot:
"Our support goes out to the servicemen. Get home safe," she rambled like a broken record throughout the starry-night.
Little did she know in that casual moment that she would end up turning a page in Academy Award history to become the first woman to win the coveted Oscar in the prestigious best director category.
A reporter at ABC - George Pennacchio - was quite effervescent on the red carpet and tried his darndest to get beyond the tinsel by asking pointed relevant questions beyond the scope of the normal superficial fluff.
It was hard-going, though.
"Good that they chatted about the film, instead of just saying to each other "shall we go for Chinese?"
George's date was a plain Jane, hooker-type, hired as an escort for the night?
The fact she didn't speak English was a plus for the hot shot-star; after all, she wouldn't spoil the festive occasion by opening up her yap and possibly embarrassing Rosemary Clooney's nephew.
Hope she was more exciting in bed, George.
Gabourey Sidibe gushed that she felt like she was at the prom.
Her midnight blue dress, with bold sparkly patterns, was all wrong though.
If the supporting-actress nominee showed up at a graduation celebration in that fashion disaster, the nasty schoolboys might have dumped a bucket of blood all over her, Carrie-style!
Dear, avoid patterns, 'cause they only draw attention (and give the illusion of bulk) to your figure (what there is of it).
Sarah Jessica Parker & Mathew Broderick were a cute couple to gaze upon (the same height 'n all); in fact, the lovebirds would have made pretty book-ends in the right setting.
Broderick's cut - with strands of gray more noticeable now than ever - suited him.
Sarah's designer dress was quite distinctive,and buoyed up with a lush swatch of color at the bodice, which was stylish.
A strap at the extreme neckline should have been tossed to the wind instead of left to strangle her in front of the madding crowd otherwise tripping-the-light fantastic.
Jessica - the sly Diva - was mum on details in respect to the upcoming sequel to Sex in the City.
"I am sworn to secrecy, but, I can say it will be quite big.
Oh, I guess that the aging Lothario her character has pinned her hopes on, finally comes through with a boner to beat the band.
Or, may just pop the question.
Inquiring minds want to know, Jess!
When Matt Damon's wife was cornered by the aforementioned TV host, the cutesy little bird brain admitted she was swept up in the swirl of excitement.
When the polite reporter asked here in so many words if Matt deserved the award, she retorted in a snotty tone of voice:
"Of course, that's why he was nominated."
Then, she trotted off leaving George in an obvious lurch.
Struggling to regain his composure, the newsie quipped to camera dead-pan.
"I guess she was just shy."
Meryl's hair was delightful, though, and suited her "look" (though a bit matronly for her age).
One fashion stylist that was on hand to deliver up critiques on the outfits - that drifted by amid a swirl of satin, chiffon, silk, you name it - echoed my own sentiments.
Stars that pose with hands on hips (and prone to arch their backs in an exaggerated fashion) end up looking positively silly in front of the paparazzi.
Instead of the stilted forced body maneuvers they tend to twist into, the gussied up sexpots would be better off just casually standing or effecting a quick full turn (so the photogs could get a good gander at the ensemble in a natural down-to-earth way).
The cutie-pie stances are for fifteen-year-old beauty Queens (Sarah Palin?) who don't know any better!
Jeff Bridges was all man in a Gucci outfit that added a dash of class to his image.
And, what was with the curious fuzz, gracing Keanu Reeves normally-handsome face?
Maybe he was getting ready to take a stab at a new role, or trying to butch up his act, I don't know.
Jennifer Lopez was pretty in pink in a stunning gown which wasn't over-the-top for once.
A bustle-style flourish at the rear end, disguised her normally-robust butt, to her advantage.
Whew!
Too tight, too, baby!
Miley Cyrus - one of the youngest stars to appear on the red carpet - was pretty, understated and elegant.
But, the klunky earrings were a bit much for her slender neck.
Zak Efron was a dashing fellow in his dark suit, with wind-blown hair, that gave a poetic air to his image.
Cameron Diaz was tastefully gussied up, but the exposed hoop ring at one ear lobe, looked lonely amidst the glitz and glamour of the dazzling night.
Meanwhile, as the festive night got underway, collossal traffic jams caused headaches in the surrounding neighborhood.
City officials noted that streets may be blocked off until Tuesday morning.
As the red carpet started traffic started to wane, Quentin Tarantino sauntered in with open-collared dress shirt - and tie undone - underscoring that it was perhaps a harried task to land on the carpet before showtime.
Indeed, at one point, his voice literally cracked when he spouted off (which was often).
Oh, the trials and tribulations of being an Oscar nominee.
Meanwhile, the fenced off area beyond the high-security red carpet causeway, was awash with frenzied fans screaming their approval every time a superstar exited a limo purring at the packed curb.
If view of the circus atmosphere, no wonder seasoned pros like Shirley McClain, elected to watch the action-packed high-profile event from a wide screen at the chi chi Vanity Fair party with a handful of her best show-biz buddies.
Others trotted over to the Elton John annual charity fundraiser.
His toothy grin was a welcome break from all the stretched limos (and faces) that I was forced to take a gander at in order to prepare this red carpet report.
'Til next year!
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