A nerdy-looking gal with horn-rimmed specs belted out Stevie Wonder in her own inimitable style, a misguided teen screwed up big tiime with a god-awful rendition of "I heard it from the Grape Vine", and a carpet-toting guitar-player managed to rustle up kudos from Simon Cowell (astonishingly).
Ah - another dramatic emotionally-charged segment of American Idol kicked into high gear tonight - as one of the country's best-dressed metrosexuals gazed on from the sidelines trying to look important to the proceedings.
I confess.
I've never actually watched American Idol from start to finish.
Imagine that!
But, I turned the corner in that regard this starry night.
I tend to be a channel surfer (with attention deficit disorder perhaps?) who rarely ever hunkers down for the duration of a half-hour sitcom (even if the humor rocks my funny bone) or a sappy night-time serial calculated to provoke thought or wrench a gut.
The Oscars?
Well, that's a whole different ball of sticky wax.
I stock up with a carton of soft-drinks (or maybe spring for a pricey bottle of wine depending on my mood) and a truck-load of junky addicting snacks just prior to start-up to ensure I don't miss one juicy broadcast tidbit.
But, for some inexplicable reason, I found myself surfing back to American Idol throughout the night.
In part, I was fascinated by the oddball panel of judges who were inclined to walk a sloppy slippery slope, more-often-than-not.
Gosh, their opinions were all over the musical map!
The charismatic appeal of Miley Cyrus - a guest hostess (with the mostest) - kept me glued to the set whenever she sashayed across the screen, though.
The producers invited the popular chanteuse to kibitz with the contestants - as they prepped for the competition - to obviously lighten the load (and calm their nerves a trifle).
"It was great to talk with Miley because she's my own age and been there," one nervous vocalist gushed awkwardly into camera.
The poignant backstage clips were a welcome respite from on stage maneuverings that bordered on the mundane on more than one awkward occasion.
I was intrigued by Miley's fashion choices - definitely risque - at one point.
The perky singer tended to lean towards chic cocktail dresses cut high on the leg and low on the chest (which made her ripe for potential wardrobe malfunctions).
During one segment, when an excited contestant swooped up Miley into his arms for a hug, I thought American Idol was going to cross over into X-rated bill-of-fare.
At any moment, I half-expected Miley's bare ass to flash across the screen, for starters!
If Perez Hilton was ogling the TV over at his den of iniquity, I surmise he was muttering - "that sl*t - under his breath as he circled a publicity still or two to publish on his naughty web site.
Fortuately, the vivacious babe was wearing make-shift panties!
Meanwhile, the show - itself - zipped along at a good pace for the most part.
When Simon handed out a kudo or two, though, my jaw dropped.
Was Simon mellowing with age?
On the heels of negative critiques by two of his contempoaries on the panel, Simon was quick to point out - that contrary to their lofty opinions - the singer in question would be wise "not to change a thing".
In fact, the edgy Brit compared the pretty lass's performance, to a knock-out rendition of the standard by PINK.
Was the leopard changing his spots?
Evidently not, because a short while later, Simon was insulting artists at the drop of a sour note - left right and center - as the show progressed along its bumpy course.
Old habits die hard, obviously.
At that juncture, it caused me to wonder - as a couple of others did tonight - how it was possible for two individuals watching the same performance to end up wrestling with such differing lasting impressions.
For example - when studly Casey belted out (sort of) a Huey Lewis hit - two panelists (both women) raved.
"You're ready to record," one judge hammered home with a smug look of satisfaction on her tarted-up face.
In contrast, Simon flatly labelled Casey's performance on par with that of a lowly cover band.
Ouch!
"There wasn't anything original there," he sniped.
I was in accord with Simon's assessment.
There was a question of relevance, after all.
We already have one Huey Lewis on the music circuit.
Do we really need a watered-down version making a fool of himself on stage?
Subsequently, the issue of the show's relevance reared its ugly head.
"The point of this show," Simon elaborated, "is to find a recording artist."
It's not about jumping up and down on stage or using shameless gimmicks to nab the spotlight, Simon lamented in so many words, with a touch of frustration in his voice.
Another discussion on the issue of the selection of material resonated roundly with me, too.
Inexperienced performers have a tendency to choose a song that fails to properly showcase their own unique voice.
Worse than that, they usually end up performing material on stage, without much style or originality.
It is not enough to belt out a classic hit - a true artist breathes their own artistry into it - and makes the material their own.
Frank Sinatra is an excellent example of a singer who always put his own stamp on a tune, by virtue of phrasing, a new arrangement, and what-have-you..
Barbra Streisand is capable of that, too.
The kids on American Idol struggle to fathom that reality check out from week-to-week without a clue about how to resolve the dilemma.
For example, one pretty singer sashayed across the stage, like she was in a Broadway musical.
The judges responded accordingly!
"You weren't feeling the song, or projecting any individual style. You looked like you were just acting out," seemed to be the general consensus.
Uh-huh!
It would be helpful if contestants tried to figure out why the composer wrote the song.
Was he or she in love, for example?
Then, that is the heartbeat of the song, that needs to be expressed successfully to drive it along.
Otherwise, the American Idol spotlight ends up being a glorified karaoke segment.
In the case of one vocalist, Simon was forced to utter up the awful truth.
"It's ironic that you kept singing - "You're no good. You're no good." - he snidely remarked.
"You sucked the life out of it."
A black contestant's song styling was labelled "loungey and boring".
Sadly, the assessment was bang on!
Then, there is always the question of nerves.
It is difficult for any competent singer to breath properly - or unfaltered project crystal clear notes - when he or she is suffering from a serious bout of the willies.
Relaxing into a song is of utmost importance.
I noticed last night that singers often dashed up to the mic, and before alighting with their feet firmly planted on stage (or having caught their breath), jumped into the material without the focus needed to launch it successfully.
More instruction in this area Judges, please!
After all, it's important that a singer be "in control" to effectively perform.
With that in mind, one smart young lady (Crystal Bowersox) dragged along a snatch of carpet to perch on, in order to properly set the mood on stage.
"The stage is so cold and bare, otherwise" she calmly explained.
Her approach was not that unusual, though, when you reflect on it.
Show biz performers tend to be a superstitous lot, after all.
If you recall, one Star Search wonder trotted out each week in his favorite pair of ratty old sneakers, for good luck.
It did the trick!
The problem with the the bulk of idol contestants?
For the most part, contestants lack the necessary talent and experience to pull the stint off.
Sorry!
You've either got it, or you don't.
An artist may be technically good at what they do, but without that magic "X" factor, they're just spinning their wheels.
That is why it is important to develop originality and and distinctive style.
In the final analysis, competent appealing singers are a dime-a-dozen, flooding the music scene with mere piffle.
In the case of American Idol, mediocrity appears to be the opiate of the masses.
Ellen stressed out?
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