Hunk mugged for camera!
Light on feet though top-heavy!
A young male hunk mugged for the camera, a busty overweight trooper cried the blues when the verdict came down, and Buzz Aldrin - first man on the moon - danced his way to near oblivion.
Dancing with the Stars (Premier Event) roared into living-rooms around the Nation full of spunk and glitz mid-evening during the family hour tonight.
Sexpot Pamela Anderson - teetering on spiked heels - dazzled in a hot pink cocktail dress (with sensual lipstick to match) and wild mane of sexy hair that obviously turned on studs on-the-edge of their seats in the packed house.
One judge applauded Pam for being so "engaged" during her performance.
"Whew," a female jurist exclaimed, as she tossed her own head around once or twice in a sly effort to poke fun at the high-profile VIP TV star.
"That was hot," she gushed as she fanned her pretty face to cool down a tad.
A lipstick lesbo on the Fox panel?
When it was announced that Pamela (who is the most downloaded blond bombshell on the Internet) signed on for the season - some speculated - that she was too (um) top heavy to trip-the-light fantastic.
"I don't have any rhythm. And, I am tone death," she giggled as millions of viewers gazed on from around the heartland.
With tongues hanging out no doubt!
Years ago I worked alongside Pamela on "Home Improvement" when she was the original tool-time girl before moving on.
Believe it or not, Ms. Anderson is quite shy off-camera.
An elderly gent, front center, lamented that the high-energy number was all sex! sex! sex!
Virile men below the footlights lapped it up, though, go figure!
Who was that old fart anyway?
"But, Mommy, you can't dance," her daughter lamented when the TV appearance was announced on tabloid gossip shows.
Actually, Kate cleans up good!
The woman - with a knack for choosing the wrong man - was pretty, coiffed, and as a nervous as a colt first time out to pasture.
The critics were a bit unkind, but honest nonetheless.
"You weren't into it," one criticized.
"You need to relax," piped in another.
She'd appeared to be crestfallen.
The Cinderella fairy tale didn't pan out.
Get thee home by midnight, Kate, before your coach turns into a rotten pumpkin!
Edyta Sliwinska & soap hunk - Aiden Turner - did the Cha-Cha to an upbeat pop rock tune.
Unlike most buffed studs, the handsome serial actor didn't appear to do any stretching exerices to limber up beforehand, because - in the final analysis - his body movements were a bit forced and unnatural.
"No groin," complained the young male judge (obviously gay) in disgust.
A cha-cha without calculated crotch thrusts? Unthinkable.
His partner sparked up their stage presence, by virtue of a chic racey slip-of-a-dress (studded with sequins and beads which caught the light this way 'n that) which didn't leave much to the imagination.
Aging gas bag, Buzz Aldrin, was a contestant also.
Buzz played the part to the hilt.
In the spirit of Latin Lovers, the American hero turned out in dark sparkly suit - teamed with a blood-red dress shirt - raring to take his partner for a spin (as his pretty blond wife cheered him on).
"Looks like you left the moon boots on," snickered a younger male judge who thought the performance wooden, and lacking in style and grace.
A tribute to Michael Jackson perhaps?
All the judges conceded that Buzz was a great American hero, but that aside, concluded his two-stepping failed miserably to lift off.
When the hammer came down on the astronaut, he held his head high & rolled with the punches.
"Was that a moonwalk," the pretty female panelist quizzed with a touch of incredulity in her voice.
Uh-huh.
The former astronaut was stiff, and robot-like, but what do you expect from a senior with eighty golden years under his belt?
I'm considerably younger, and already feeling a few creaks in the ankles, knees, and elbows!
Fortunately, I haven't suffered any loss of blood flow where it counts.
George Burns once said that you know you're getting old when you drop somenthing on the floor - and when you stoop over to pick it up - you check to see if there is anything else to pluck up while you're down there!
Two contestants - Evan Lysacek & gorgeous dancer Nicole Scherzwigger (Pussy Cat Dolls) - were well-received by two of the judges.
"You pulled that off with startling finesse," the astounded judge gushed.
It was a general consensus that the bar had been set.
"The performance was emotional, passionate, and touched the audience with its striking elements of light and shade."
It was a great routine out of the gate, lauded another.
'Til next week!
Tribute to Jackson!
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