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Monday, December 29, 2008

Julian Ayrs 1st Annual 10 Worst-Dressed list! Cher, Oprah, and...catwalk catcalls!



Michelle sprints to podium to snatch up Best-Dressed prize!





Busty congestion & hooker lips puts Oprah on worst-dressed!




Mr. Blackwel king of the haiku quip!





One fashion victim is a Cleopatra wanna-be - another - an awkward jumble of fetish and purity.

Without doubt, the out-of-step painted ladies, are worthy candidates for the much-anticipated 1st Annual 10 worst-dressed list of 2008.

On the flip side, there is a silver lining, though.

In contrast to the red-carpet disasters aforementioned, a bevy of beauties at the other end of a chic spectrum, trip-the-catwalk fantastically with elegance and style.

So, with a nod to Mr. Blackwell, I am introducing a scintillating 10 Best-Dressed list in tandem with a "worst"-dressed run-down on the flip side.

Mr. Blackwell – a celebrated fashion designer – passed to spirit earlier this year.

During the course of his rich full life - the mischievous man with the laughing eyes achieved wide acclaim in the arena of Women’s Wear - having dressed a handful of high-society patrons, Nancy Reagan among them.

But, it was a fluky offer that descended out-of-the-blue one fine day that forever cemented his name in exclusive fashion circles.

Rising to the task of naming the best and worst dressed women in America for a features editor, the visionary fashion icon scored a big hit with the media, fashion designers, and the public alike.

In the form of a Haiku barb, Blackwell managed to astutely capture the essence of a subject’s fashion savvy, and the caustic fashion quip was born.

Several weeks ago, after penning a post on Fashion Tips, I was singled out by a blogger on the Internet as "the next Mr. Blackwell”.

A former model (who segued into fashion writing) I jumped into the fray with glee, delighted to take on the challenge.

My column, Dressing Right, appeared in a daily (Southam News) in Vancouver (B.C.) and ably prepared me for the task at hand.

Although US, Star Magazine, and People recently singled out a gaggle of "best" and "worst" dressed femme fatales this past week at year’s end, there were a couple of problems with their assessments, in my opinion.

For starters, the editors focused the spotlight on expensive gowns worn at high-profile functions or red-carpet events that did not accurately reflect the star’s individual style or taste. Indeed, the extravagant rentals, were getting the big push by up-and-coming fashion designers anxious to get noticed in the glare of all the Hollywood Tinsel.

Notwithstanding, gowns they plucked up from relative obscurity (Gee, where have I heard that expression before) were if-y choices. Whoever selected the entries knew nothing about fashion.

Heidi Klum, for instance, was propped up in a self-indulgent number memorable for its vulgar overuse of fabric.

Secondly, swooping down on a celebrity out-of-the-blue – without any context or hint of a fashion history to refer to – is a definite no-no when it comes to determining an individual’s style and fashion savvy.

A "best"-dressed candidate’s placement on such a list cries out for a number of key factors to take into consideration – body shape, complexion, lifestyle, consistent displays of fashion sensibilities to-and-from work, picking up the kids at school, at Hollywood premieres, and so forth and so on.

With that in mind, I plunged ahead and rustled up right-on-the-money 10 Worst-dressed and 10 Best-dressed lists for 2008.


10 Worst-Dressed Women (2008)

Cher
(Vegas Songbird)




A Cleopatra wanna-be mummified in 70’s fashion formaldehyde.


Paris Hilton
(poor little rich girl)





A Swedish milk maid gone amok at Frederick's of Hollywood.


Lindsay Lohan
(Party Girl Extraordinaire)





A pasty fur tart with all-the-wild-eyed innocence of a "tina" junkie.

Stripped down, on the down low, a sleazy sexpot without any gams or glam!


Emma Thompson
(stand-out fashion crimes against the Nation)





An over-ripe ingénue wrapped in swirls of bargain-basement K-Mart sheets, prone to tease with hooter-style booby-traps up top.


Oprah Winfrey
(pictured above)


Gifted gabber with no talent for playing "dress up”

A puffy éclair cinched in at the cream-filled middle with a zesty crown of chocolate shavings on top, one day, a jilted bride dashing home barefoot to gorge on southern fried chicken, the next


Sigourney Weaver
(a gangly spaced-out melodrama)





In one red-carpet appearance, appeared for all-the-world like a beanstalk with peek-a-boo limbs.

The gutsy machine-gun toter, for the most part, is alien to any fashion sensibilities past present or future.


Whoopi Goldberg
(court Jester or clown Prince?)





A grand lady of comedy in a hefty bag – punctuated with off-the-wall ties and bland layers of lackluster fabric on a secret mission to conceal congealing fat folds, that lurk beneath a gruff surface.

Even a gown (?) on the mannish mannequin is a fashion victim disaster no matter how you cut the cloth.


Pamela Anderson
(VIP for the Tattoo set)




Never one to be upstaged by a feather boa, the sexy siren is a flesh pot top-heavy babe, with hints of Bridget Bardot in a disappearing garment act.


Barbara Streisand
(Golden pipes and snoz for schlock)





A bellowing shrew keen on political top notes, swaddling in cutesy little girl fantasies in an upbeat make-up mood one day, prone to end up languishing like a beached whale in the shifting sands of Malibu, on another.


Ellen DeGenerres
(page boy with snappy shoes!)





A throwback look which harkens back to the dykes of the sixties - sparked up with cool argyle sweaters, polyester slacks in bland shades, and snappy sensible shoes - crowned with a butch haircut sure to attract any lipstick lesbo.


10 Best-Dressed

Nicole Kidman
(cruising without Top Gun to lofty heights)





A risk-taker from down under, occasionally over the top, who is often prompted to venture into wild couture territory on the heels of some whimsical fashion trend she's uncovered.

Invariably, Kidman successfully carries off the exploratory probe with her own inimitable style.


Michelle Obama
(pictured above)





Though crowned Blackie "O" by cynical fashionistas, Obama's hubby is "no" Jackie Kennedy by any stretch of the fabric.

Comfortable in her fashion skin, individual in her style, the 1st Lady elect always manages to pull off a casual chic befitting a carefully-constructed image, sure to fall short of ever embarrassing any self-respecting American. (photo above)

Candis Cayne
(Dirty Sexy Money)





A statuesque swirl of sensual style - showy, sexy - sure to turn heads when she sashays into the room.


Ariana Huffington
(Queen of the Blogosphere)





A thoroughbred sensibility with a keen eye towards a practical business "look", Huffington can mix 'n match with the best of 'em - and in the process - light up the world of rich media, faces of mealy-mouthed moguls, and fawning bloggers around the net.


Kathleen Quinlan
(Never promised a rose garden)





Subtly attired in ensembles for a woman of a certain age, Kathleen is a shining example of how to highlight assets without maxing 'em out in designer duds too splashy for a specific occasion.


Kate Bosworth
(Stylish lady)





A beauty with brains.

A midas touch when it comes to pushing a fashion envelope that excites! tittilates! Wows!

A role model for starlets chomping at the bit in pursuit of elusive fame.


Elaine Wynn
(Queen of the Desert)





A down-to-earth fairy-tale Princess in charge of her tactile senses.

With a dollop of luxury, and a modicum of fashion savvy, Mrs. Wynn trots the jet-set gangplank with understated elegance, individual style, and with a poise that is unmatched on the Vegas strip (and elsewhere).


Penelope Cruz
(exotic gem!)





Petite, pretty, and radiating youth and vitality, Ms. Cruz likewise steps into a fashion sensibility daily that sets her apart from other talents reaching for the brass ring.

An exotic gem with the world at her feet.(and a posse of men, no doubt)


J Lo
(the other half of a fated duo)





A flowering fashion icon with a flair for the feminine, a flourish for fabric and color, the dishy dame matures every day like a fine bottle of wine!


Kim Kardashian
(a flair for adventure in fashion)





High-spirited clothes horse that packs a wallop in the charm department. With an intuitive fashion sense under her wing, Kim pushes the limits not only in an adventurous way, but with the ultimate aim of avoiding faddish threads that might otherwise tarnish her polished image


http://www.julianayrs.com/


*Men's Worst-dressed list unveiled February 1st!

Mens Fashion...stylish topcoats are practical too! Go for Classic silhouettes...



A few weeks ago, my eyes went wide as I spied a handsome full-length topcoat, dangling on a hanger at a bargain-basement price!

I dickered a little when it came to flashing the cash, though!

After all, residents of the City of Angels had been languishing in the sweltering heat for weeks.

Splurging on outwear appeared to be a costly waste of resource in these troubling financial times, too.

But, a little voice inside urged me to "go for it".

"Maybe you'll need to jet out to New York. This designer beauty won't only keep 'ya nice and toasty, but afford you the golden opportunity to traipse the Upper East Side in style."

So, I snapped it up - although I felt a little silly went I stepped out into the bright light of the sizzling hot fall day- with the ubiquitous fashion statement under my arm.

Sure enough, my investment paid off this past ten days.

While most folks were freezing their butts off and scurrying for warmer climbs as the biting winds and intermittent snow flurries blew in from the desert, I strolled along comfortably and lapped up the festivities the Yuletide season had to offer up all around me.

But fashion savvy guys have known all along that a topcoat or overcoat (whatever you want to coin it) are not only a stylish addition to a well-rounded wardrobe, but amount to a practical article of clothing, too.
And, a head-turner.

Today, I caught a sharply-turned out dude sporting a camel hair number that was a knock-out (the jacket, silly).

But, the pricey designer outerwear was a bit on the high maintenance end, what with dry cleaning costs and extra caution required to avoid nasty spills during the course of the day.

In contrast, a Black or Navy one is ideal.

Go for a form-fitting one, or one on the bulky side that is roomy enough to toss over your suit-and-tie ensemble, in the event the weather gets inclement.

Fashion tip!

Try to avoid snapping up a topcoat with too many flourishes that date it.


For example, avoid oversize belt buckles, padded shoulders, and design details that cast an aura of trendiness.

For good reason.

Once the fad has passed, you'll have to donate it to a Goodwill charity or "Out of the Closet" - and after-the-fact - fork out additional greenbacks for one that doesn't scream "fashion victim".

Go for the classic silhouette, after all, it's a timeless "look" that emphasizes style, elegance, and understated chic.

By the way, a full-length overcoat gives a man great presence and an air of prestige when he confidently strides into the room.

But it's how you "inhabit" the well-crafted threads that sets the men apart from the boys.



A dramtic fashion statement for a woman capable of pulling it off!

Oprah Winfrey...1 of 10 worst-dressed women in America!

Oprah, you're supposed to wear the gown, not carry it!



Well, the clock is ticking away, and we're getting down to the nitty gritty as 2008 fades into oblivion!

On December 31st, my 1st Annual 10 Worst-Dressed list (in tandem with the scintillating 10 Best-Dressed) will be unveiled.

With a nod to the King of Haiku Fashion barbs, Mr. Blackwell!

Cruise by and check out who will strut down the fashion-victim catwalk with the likes of talk-show-host gabber extraordinaire, Oprah Winfrey.

Just a teaser, folks!

As Coco Chanel once astutely opined:

"A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous."

Cruise on by on New Year's eve when it is revealed who was and who wasn't, dahlink!



Julian Ayrs 1st Annual 10 Worst-Dressed list gives nod to Mr. Blackwell

(undisputed King of caustic quips)

http://www.julianayrs.com

Barack Obama...60 Minutes interview reveals down-to-earth personality traits!



Instead of broadcasting three segments on separate issues on 60 minutes last night - as usual - the top-rated news tabloid devoted a full hour to Barack Obama.

Okay, a little of the spotlight was cast on 1st Lady elect Michelle Obama at the end of the informative investigative probe that enlightened a few I am sure, myself included.

Actually, I just about fell out of my comfy armchair when a couple of Barack's straightforward responses hit a little too close to home.

For example, when asked if the President-elect would do "dish" duty in the White House, Michelle shook her head aghast, "no".

Meanwhile, Barack was secure enough in his manhood to pipe up, without batting an eye.

"I like doing dishes," he noted for the record, as he glanced for approval from his hubby.

According to the wiry democrat, the chore was a "soothing" one.

My sentiments exactly.

As is the case with laundry, I find doing "your own" not only allows for a moment or two of quiet reflection in-between spin cycles, but ends up being "good" for the soul.

What is the down side of his sudden fame, the host pointedly asked at one salient point in the intriguing foray into his private life.

"A loss of anonymity," he cracked back without hesitation.

For instance, being in a fishbowl has cramped his humble style.

"I like to take walks."

Michelle rolled her eyes as she sat noticeably poised and prim and proper at his side.

Spotting her displeasure, he teased a little.

"Wouldn't you go for a walk with me, baby?"

"No."

Apparently, Michelle is not a walker.

I guess Barack will have to head out on foot by his lonesome as secret service tail close behind in the limo with Michelle comfortably ensconced in the plush back seat, eh?

Personally, I agree with Barack.
There's nothing like a long stroll in the park or a hike out on a rustic trail to get the cobwebs out, or facilitate a private moment or two to think one's thoughts.

In fact, many great men throughout History have been known to venture out on long walks, with more than mere health concerns foremost in their minds.
During those precious moments alone, many world leaders - for instance - have managed to conjure up a turn-of-a-phrase or an inspiring quote for an up-and-coming speech.

I expect from a couple of the comments Barack made last night, that he's quite the romantic, too.

Just betcha, he has a pet name for Michelle - like snookums - or something silly like that.

Boy, would I love to be a fly on the wall come bedtime when the Obama love birds snuggle up by a cracking fire and engage in a little nookie on a romantic candle-lit night.


Sunday, December 28, 2008

Kabir...Karma quote!



Kabir - respected Master and inspired Prophet - once said on the subject of Karma and the issue of reaping what you sow:

"If you plant cactus, how do you expect to grow mangoes?"


Elaine Wynn...lands spot on 10 Best-Dressed list! Classy lady...


The lady is tall, poised, outgoing - and betcha didn't expect it - quite down-to-earth.

And, a real fashion horse in an elegant understated way.

Of course, the woman of-the-hour in Las Vegas is Elaine Wynn, wife of mercurial Steve Wynn (Las Vegas Hotel Impresario).

The morning times did a bang-up job on a feature they published on Mrs. Wynn in the weekend edition of the paper, worth taking a gander at.

When I crossed paths with Elaine Wynn at the ENCORE opening on Monday evening, it was not necessary to make a play for her attention or grapple for a quote.

Actually, I was content to casually saunter into the celebrations and drink up the festive goings-on all around me.

The unflappable hostess with-the-mostest spotted me jotting down notes as she alighted like a graceful dove next to me on the Casino floor.

"You're writing good things, I hope," she laughed innocently.

Our eyes met briefly.

Immediately, I was taken by her warmth.

My thoughts were on the sumptuous trappings, actually.

"Notes on the decor," I chirped enthusiastically.

With little more ado, Mrs. Wynn breezed off on a waft of mystical air, as I focused on the task at hand.

Occasionally, though, I spied Steve Wynn's better half observing me from a distance with a curious expression on her face.

Frankly, I found it refreshing that Elaine Wynn - despite her wealth and high station in life - reached out, was approachable, and at ease in her lofty Universe.

Couple that with her keen fashion sense, and impeccable taste, and it's easy to fathom why Elaine Wynn has landed a spot of my 1st Annual 10 Best-Dressed list to be unveiled on Wednesday, December 31st.

As Humphrey Bogart would say:

"Here's lookin' at you, kid."

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Christmas gifts...burglars have their eye on garbage piled in streets for hints!


I was strolling down a busy Vegas Street on boxing day when I spied a jumble of empty boxes adorned with enticing product images of pricey toys once-packed inside - eye-catching promos for top-of-the-line wide-screen TVs, jazzy state-of-the-art designer cell phones, pricey leading edge DVD players - you name it.

Ah, Santa was generous to this family - in spite of a troubled economy in recent months - I thought to myself.

Later in the day, on the heels of a couple of burglaries in Las Vegas neighborhoods, A news anchor at a local TV outlet, issued a warning to residents about engaging in the careless practice I witnessed bright and early that morning.

After all, burglars are inclined to get hip to the obvious.

If an empty box sits in the street waiting for the garbage man to pluck it up to cart away to the city dump, the precious gifts advertised on their face, are just a hop-and-a-skip away inside the house waiting to be scooped up, too!

"It's best to break down the boxes or cut them into small sections. Then, place the cardboard pieces into plastic wrapping bags and garbage bins away from the prying eyes of thieves out on the prowl," one consumer advocate recommended.

On that note, I should also like to point out that it is also a no-no to drop off packages in the front or back seat of the car under the assumption they are "safe", while you head off for a snack with pals or to finish last-minute shopping.

For good reason.

Crafty thieves cruise parking lots for items of value waving in plain view - then, once discovered - break in without remorse and snatch up the spoils of the expensive shopping spree.

But, possessions need not be brand spanking new to prompt a theft.

A case in point.

The other evening I was heading home after a night clubbing, when I noticed a young man sporting a hooded jacket, probing the front seat of my vehicle with a flashlight.

As I hastily approached on foot, he darted off down an alley.

Curious, I ran up to my car to fathom why he was shaking down my property.

Merde!

Earlier that day, I was practising tunes on my keyboard.

After the painstaking finger exercies, I carelessly left the instrument in sight in the front seat, as I headed off for some Christmas cheer with chums.

Clearly, if I arrived a few seconds later, that young opportunist with the watchful eye would have broken in and made off with my cherished musical sidekick.

In addition to that loss, there may have been a broken lock or a damaged alarm system to repair - or worse yet - a need to replace a costly side window!

Bottom line?

It's best not to "tempt" a criminal.

Store gifts, shopping bags and items of value out of harm's way - or a least out of sight in the trunk if you don't lock your vehicle - so you won't have to deal with this kind of downer during the festive season.

By the way, Happy Holidays!

Oscar...ballots in hands of carriers & being delivered today!


Just as I turned the key in my mailbox and swung the little door open to check for mail, a few feet away - inside the sorting room - I overheard a reassuring announcement from a Supervisor at the West Hollywood Post Office.

"Listen up! For security reasons, I shall be personally turning over these Oscar Ballots in my hand to carriers who have recipients on their route . Please ensure that the envelopes are delivered today, if possible."

Ah, one of the benefits of renting a post office box.

If a box-holder is alert - and keen on eavesdropping - occasionally there is a bit of worthwhile scuttlebutt to lap up.

So, Academy Members, in the event you were in the dark about the ballots - take note that the precious little suckers are not only secure - but are being hand-delivered today for your immediate up-close perusal (provided you're at home to hear the knock on the door).




Will Milk get an Oscar nod or two?
The Envelope please!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Las Vegas...day after Christmas & decorations are down! Business as usual...


When I strode out of my Hotel this morning bright and early in search of breakies to satisfy a hunger pain in my gut, I was taken aback when I spied a posse of City Workers disassembling the festive Christmas tree which lit up the downtown strip (on Fremont Street) just yesterday!

One day after the Sainted birth of Jesus Christ (Our Lord) and it's already back-to-business as usual in Las Vegas!

I expect that the tree and trimmings were just meant to appease a handful of Christians who popped into town to celebrate the Holy "day".

Now that the sacred moment has passed, time to sweep out the sentiment and get back to making the big bucks, eh?

I guess no one informed Las Vegas City Officials that it is bad luck to take down a Christmas tree before New Years Day.

As the Chinese would say:

"May you live in interesting times."

Bah Humbug!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Las Vegas...Wynn's splashy Encore bash a glittering event!



At the stroke of eight, Steve Wynn gave a nod - at which point- a throng of lookie-loos (who had been patiently waiting for about an hour in a line that snaked down the busy Las Vegas strip) surged forward in a crush and swarmed the swankiest new Casino in Sin City, Encore!

Staff beamed and Hotel Management glad-handed guests as smartly-attired Security Staff stood at attention with a keen eye to ensuring there were no mishaps at the gala opening night.

Within minutes, the slots were swamped with anxious players, plugging in bills in a mad frenzy.

There were a lot of oohs and aahs, too.

Encore is a touchy-feeling entry into the Vegas scene.

Blood red chandeliers strategically-placed about the Casino added a festive spirit to the lobby.

A butterfly motif (a Hotel Theme) echoed throughout - from the pristine marble floors - to the exquisite wall reliefs that adorned the foyers, lounges, and gambling rooms about the expansive elegantly-decorated environs.

At the pool lounge guests may loll in the mid-day sun or sip exotic cocktails under a romantic starry night sky.

In spite of the rich decor and obvious appeal to the Uppercrust, there is also a sports bar on the main floor for die-hard fans to catch a pro game and sip a beer.

When I was ushered into a watering hole on the first floor, I immediately caught sight of a striking golden figure of a woman crafted from the trunk of a tree with a crown of branches that were literally awesome to gaze upon.

Young pretty waitresses were squeezed into form-fitting chic party dresses with a smattering of sparkly beads at the bodice.

The eye-catching "uniforms" were short-short, and displayed a lot of generous leg, fellas!

A passion fruit cocktail (non-alcoholic) was a bit pricey at $7.00 - and packed a tad too much with ice - but delicious none-the-less.

The Casino floor was sparked by exquisite one-of-a-kind artifacts such as crystal dragons and a smiling Buddha or two.

When I slipped into the men's room for a whiz, I laughed when I spied artwork hanging gracefully in the toilet stalls!

Sprinkled about the Casino there were a handful of gold-plated telephones resting on marble podiums, for those who need to clear their credit with Hotel Management, I guess.

The swivel chairs at the slot machines - in coral/peach tones and edged in black lacquer with crimson red trim - are an enormous improvement over those cumbersome old dinosaurs that guests were forced to maneuver in-and-out of ad nauseam.

At "Switch" - designers conjured up a lounge that is transformed every twenty minutes or so into a dazzling new eye-catching environ - by virtue of walls that rise and fall magically seemingly at whim.

When I queried staff about the 231 carat diamond - supposedly the crown jewel of Wynn's new property - most were puzzled by my probe and unable to offer up any info on the precious gem.

"Must be for the VIPS only," one staff member quipped.

On that thought, it should be noted that one passer-by in the street wailed that Encore was just another place for rich folks to go.

"I couldn't afford to stay there."

Last night's glittering opening signalled one truism.

You can lead a horse to water, but will he drink?

If the packed house last night was any indication - the answer is a platinum-lined "yes" - at least for the capricious moment.

A day after the exciting high-energy bash, when I trotted inside for a second glance, guests were having difficulty flagging down waitresses for cocktails and when slots went awry it was tough-going getting staff to deal with the problem.

Yes, the workers were less attentive today and there wasn't much magic in the air.

Mr. Wynn, tossing an extravagant party will surely nab a lot of attention and entice the elite jet set into your Casino on the splashy gala opening night.

But, without follow thru on top-notch goods and services, do you think you'll honestly be able to sustain the magic?

I doubt it!

Las Vegas...$9.99 rooms at Binion's through Expedia.com!



It pays to be computer savvy.

For instance, one smart traveller conducted a Hotel rate search online a couple of weeks ago and managed to secure a room at Binion's Casino in downtown Las Vegas for a remarkable $9.99 a night!

For approximately $40.00 (plus taxes) the guest is partying-it-up in holiday digs right where all the action is during the Yuletide season.

"The room is not only tastefully decorated, but also includes an iron and coffee-maker," the guest gushed to me on the Casino floor.

He also boasts a stunning view of the skyline and a dazzling blitz of night lights reaching all the way up the festive Vegas strip!

On Sunday evening, a walk-in guest also managed to land an inexpensive room on the 21st floor at the Sahara for a mere $25.00 a night plus taxes.

But, as Christmas eve and New Year's approach, bargains like this will be tougher to rustle up on short notice.

However, there are a number of deals out there, if you do the leg work.

After all, it is a "buyers" market right now.

For the first time in years, Las Vegas is no longer one of the fastest growing cities in the country.

And, it doesn't appear that Sin City is at the top of list anymore as a destination vacation spot.

The reasons for this are threefold.

Pay-outs at the slots are at an all-time low, there are fewer incentives and bargains being offered up by the Casinos, and tired old jaded staff at the Hotel Resorts are less-than-hospitable (which is a turn-off to guests).

So, for those who haven't booked yet - or have yet to make holiday plans last-minute - hop onto the Internet.

There are bargains galore worth snatching up at rock-bottom prices!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Planet Hollywood...Planet Nasty falsely accuses guests of wrongdoing then engages in deceitful cover-up to mitigate damages! A plague to avoid...




An ugly incident caused an uproar at the Planet Hollywood Casino last night when Hotel staff falsely accused a guest of engaging in hijacking left-over spoils on their slot machines.



Then emotions heightened to a fever pitch (after-the-fact) when Hotel Security proceeded to victimize the guest and fabricate a web of lies and deceit to cover-up the facts surrounding the incident when it was determined false allegations had been made.

In a nutshell, if you opt not to plunk down on one chair and gamble away all your money at one slot machine - Hotel Security at Planet Hollywood will stalk 'ya down, harass you on the casino floor, and make false statements designed to embarrass, humiliate, and defame you in front of other patrons.

Here is what happened.

A guest secured a replacement Player's card from the Planet Hollywood staff who promptly handed him a ticket to enter a $1,000.00 draw which would be taking place at 6 p.m. on the Casino floor.

Since it was just after five o'clock, the guest proceeded to check out slot machines in the vicinity of the contest to place bets on, as he waited for his chance at the Planet Hollywood jackpot.

After playing various machines for about a half-an-hour - during which time tallies of his game-playing and bets were being "racked" up on his Player's Card - a dykey young woman by the name of "Nicky" (about five foot nothing with a bad attitude) - accosted him on the casino floor and demanded that he fork over his I.D.

You know how some woman are.

Give them a bit of power and they think they've got a big swinging di** between their legs.

The guest was aware that Casinos are private property and management had a right to verify the identity of any high or low roller betting in their gaming house (bad business idea, however) so, the patron did not argue the point.

Understandably, though, he was taken aback.

Why was he being singled out at the Casino and no one else?

The guest expected that once he produced his I.D., the gruff little security guard - who was treating him in a rude and insulting manner - would hand the document back with little ado and that would be the end of the sad scenario.

Imagine his shock when the woman made the following stern demand:

"Come with me to the security desk. I have to "run" a check on you."

The other guests looking on gasped as the "victim" went into an emotional tailspin.

Were they insinuating he was a wanted criminal?

Or, that he had engaged in some wrongful conduct?

The guest walked over to the desk, at which point, the haughty guard picked up the phone and rattled off his name to someone at the end of the telephone.

Judging by the look on her face, a mistake had clearly been made, because she hung up the phone awkwardly and was silent for a moment.

Then, she whispered without so much as an apology or explanation:

"You can go."

At this juncture, the guest asked to speak with the manager.

Now, all the staff got visibly nervous.

A few minutes later, a "goon" in the employ of the Security Staff (an alleged supervisor) appeared and tried to make a lot of flimsy stupid excuses.

"It was a case of mistaken identity," he stammered.

"According to two bartenders, someone matching your description was fraudulently cashing out receipts at the ticket window."

When the guest asked if it was general practice to act improperly and make false accusations against a person on the Casino floor without checking facts first, he meekly responded:

"Well, we didn't have a lot to go and there wasn't much time."

Oh no, they would rather slander and defame a respected (well-known individual) in the Arts community and ask questions later.

When the guest noted he would like to lodge a formal complaint, the tensions rose considerably in the room.

As the guest was filling out the paperwork, the Manager for the Security Office suddenly appeared to deal with the problem.

Mr. Shane Asher was pretty tight-lipped. And, noted he would conduct an investigation.

When the guest noted that the female guard was rude and insulting, he promised to speak with her, as well.

But, no apology. Nor was there any suitable explanation forthcoming.

At this point, as the guest departed, another slot-player noted that the security firm was a separate entity at the Hotel and that perhaps it would be wise to speak with Hotel Management to ensure the issues were addressed and appropriate disciplinary action taken against the staff - who not only acted reprehensibly - but told bold-faced lies to save their sorry butts in the unpleasant aftermath.

Now, the situation got more sinister.

A Casino slots manager (sloppily-dressed and looking like she was coming down off of a bender) sauntered over to hesitantly to deal with the complaint issues.

Suddenly, a woman dressed in black with a name tag on one shoulder strolled over - looked the guest up and down - and lamented in a loud voice which carried across the casino room floor:

"Yes. That's him. I saw him take tickets out of the slot machines and cash them at the window."

What a diabolical allegation!

The guest was only in the casino for about fifty minutes - and at no time during that time frame - did he ever take any ticket to any cashier in the Planet Hollywood casino in exchange for greenbacks.

Surely the video cameras at the cashier booths and scanning the casino floor would be able to verify that?

Notwithstanding - it should be noted that earlier - the "goon" Supervisor from the Security Office stated for the record that the allegation was made by two bartenders.

The woman now pointing an accusing finger - who suddenly appeared "out-of-nowhere" - was certainly not a bartender!

Now, it appeared that the Hotel was changing its story in an underhanded and deceitful attempt to save face - and ultimately - mitigate damages in the event of a lawsuit.

When the guest astutely pointed out to Mr. Asher - that video footage of the casino floor and activity on the Player's Card would verify that he had been playing the slots with his own funds - the security chief was speechless.

Ah, gotcha!

In an effort to comprehend how the "misunderstanding" (if that is what it was) occurred, the guest offered up the suggestion that maybe because he "floated" from slot machine to slot machine (losing some pulls here and winning some others there) that his actions were misinterpretted by staff?

Surely - it wasn't Hotel policy that gamblers on slot machines were required to "remain" in one lone seat until they won or lost sums acceptable to Casino Management - before moving on to the next interactive video slot game?

If so, then the Hotel would be required to post a notice to that effect on the Casino property, wouldn't they?

In spite of the fact a handful of relevant arguments were stridently presented to Mr. Asher by the very shaken Hotel Guest, Mr. Asher was unable (or unwilling) to offer up any excuses or apologies!

His angry flippant response was:

"I'll take care of it!"

Bottom line, if Hotel Management is not inclined to permit gamblers to "wander" through the slot machines and play at whim (for some, the slots are a bit of mindless entertainment to savor for a moment or two, after all) then perhaps it is their own fault for "baiting" guests.

As I noted earlier, on the premise that Guests could win up to $1,000.00, Planet Hollywood provided Player card members with tickets to drop into a barrel for inclusion in a "big draw" at specific times throughout the day.

If guests were early for the draw, undoubtedly, many would turn to the slots nearby to while away a bit of time.

In fact - I surmise that is why the draws are held - to lure customers in to Planet Hollywood so they'll play the rigged slot machines sprinkled about the casino-room floor.

And, after-the-fact, if Hotel Security suspects that uncollected spoils at a slot machine are being scooped up by some unwitting player who happens to "luck out" by sitting down at that machine, they'll tar 'n feather the individual pronto!

But, there is another reason why guests may tend to "float" about the casino.

The tired old waitresses (who are under the mistaken impression that they are beauty Queens) are so slow at delivering up drinks that guests often prompted to migrate to to another section so they don't die of thirst!

If all this wasn't disturbing enough, Planet Hollywood also tries to seduce players into various scams around the Hotel which are not only a total waste of time, but a sham.

For instance, every half-hour, Player's Card members are invited to be part of a slot tournament on the Mezzanine floor.

Participants plop down on a seat, tap on the slot-play button as fast as they can for five minutes, and are summarily promised great prizes for top scores.

After witnessing a "competition", I was disgusted.

Most of the slot players I observed pounded away on the machine and - on average - only managed to rack up 2000 to 3000 points.

Want to hear something ludicrous?

If a player managed to score over 8500 points, they were ceremoniously presented with their coveted prize: a cheap little flashlight! (batteries probably not included, I betcha) which any fool could snatch up at the 99 cent store!

Yes, Planet Hollywood is Planet Nasty at its very best!

Notwithstanding, the Casino is run by incompetent mean-spirited sh**s with IQ's of about 2, prone to victimizing Hotel guests at whim without provocation or remorse later when facts determine a mistake has been made.

I say, avoid Planet Hollywood like the plague.

Unless you're a loser, or a masochist, of course!

As P.T. Barnum once said:

"There's a sucker born every minute".

And you are one, if you step into that sleazy joint, and play into their dishonest unscrupulous sleight of hand!

Footnote:
In contrast, Steve Wynn tossed a splashy bash last night at Encore that put PH to shame.
(Post to follow)

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Web TV...Welcome to Lost Angeles. Signed SAG agreements with actors...


One of the big bones of contention in the stalled contract talks with the Screen Actors Guild and Hollywood producers pertains to profit-sharing over web content and the rich media proliferating in its wake.

In spite of reports flying out of newsrooms around the country that producers are adamant about not yielding on this contract issue, a couple of creators of a Web TV show ignored the call-to-arms and proceeded to sign their actors under a SAG "experimental" contract.

Part of the reason they firmed up the talent this way was due to the uncertainty of the potential to realize a profit online.

"We signed agreements with our actors that stipulate a share in the profits when the series goes into the black."

I laughingly noted to one of the writers when we crossed paths at the upbeat Chalk Rep Theatre launch the other night - that in the old days - "deferred pay" meant "no pay".


Although he and his partner chuckled at the joke, both were dead serious about following through on their commitment to the actors.

The made-for-the-web TV Show has a few episodes in the can in spite of tough financial times the industry has been facing in recent days.

The project - "Welcome to Lost Angeles" - focuses on a young man who moves out to California to pursue his dreams which run afoul when interrupted by unemployment, a troubled relationship, and few unexpected mishaps around the lower mainland along the way.

Of course, the fictionalized storyline appears to be a take-off on the old idea that the West Coast metropolis - once known as the City of Angels - has been relegated to the status of "City of Lost Angels".

Yeah, it's tough-going getting a break in the sprawling third-world city - which I have cynically christened - the "big bad orange".

While the concept of the weekly series seems a bit cliche, I'm holding judgment; especially since the creators are still "tooling" around with ideas for the next season.

Check it out.

Info: http://www.lostangeles.tv/



Saturday, December 20, 2008

Garage sales...deception! Buyer beware in West Hollywood...


Whenever I turn up at a garage sale and encounter a raft of assorted used (and new) items strewn about a front lawn, I am inclined to quip:

"Where's the garage?"

Yeah, the joke usually falls flat!

Bright and early this morning, there was something more sinister going down on Orlando Street, though.

As I headed out for coffee and the morning daily at the crack of dawn, I spied a large moving truck - and at least two workers - unloading a myriad of household goods, antiques, and brick-a-brack on a lawn just below Waring Street.

Curious, that!

Instead of marching the goodies straight inside out of harm's way, the gentlemen started to place the items in an eye-catching strategic fashion around the dewy ground.

So, I sauntered over to investigate on the down-low.

Quite a few of the items were of fair quality and gave off the impression of having been "hand picked" for the "yard" sale.

But, the truth really rang home when I overheard a couple of the "handlers" chatting among themselves on the sidelines.

"I gave him a couple of items on commission. He sold the stuff right away, but it took a while to get my money."

"He has some good stuff at that location," the other idly responded.

Clearly, they were talking "shop".

It suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks.

None of the items were cherished keepsakes being offered up for sale, at all.

The whole shebang was shipped in under the cover of darkness that morning - from a handful of second-hand stores and antique shops around town - with the ultimate aim of rustling up a tidy profit in sales in West Hollywood.

I expect the organizers made an agreement with the owner of the house to fork over a percentage of sales in exchange for allowing 'em to facilitate that prime neighborhood location for the weekend event.

Later, when I dashed off to do chores, I even spied hand-crafted signs alerting passers-by and motorists about the "garage sale".

Clever!

The script was in a casual scrawl - and gave off the impression the sign was crafted by a desperate housewife anxious to make-ends-meet - or in the alternative a struggling student looking to unload some unwanted household effects for a fast buck at Christmas.

Gee, what a deception!

Judging from the prices I overheard quoted to the carpetbaggers who spilled out of their cars on the turn-of-a-dime, there weren't many bargains to be had, either.

When one dude scooped up about four books and queried about the price, he fell back a little in amazement when the response zinged back at him.

$30.00.

At yard sales, paperbacks and used books normally go for fifty cents or a buck each. Unless they are adorned with lush color plates inside or fall under the category of specialty books.

Even still, the price quoted appeared a tad steep under the circumstances.

I wonder if the neighbors on the street were clued in about the thriving enterprise underway on their tony residential street?

Surely, the IRS would perk up, if they knew that sale items were being sold - in an organized business venture - without receipts or taxes paid - don't 'ya think?

What will greedy scoundrels think of next?