Well - since the madding masses who surf to Perez Hilton's highly-touted website probably don't peruse the local gay rags for juicy tidbits about the gossip maven - I thought I'd pass on a few of the breezy comments he offered up this week in a light-hearted probe.
Not surprisingly - the top dog on the Celebrity Internet Circuit noted he painstakingly babies his site daily - to which he attributes its remarkable success.
Well, happy to hear he doesn't loll around on his butt - wagging the dog - as they say.
"Not like the others," he sighed - as if to say - lazy b**tards.
In fact, Hilton swears he edits and updates his site into the wee hours of dawn, alongside his numero uno confidante, his sister.
Well, gossip turns on an ear.
I expect, from his sizzling Internet vantage point, flashy updates are a must!
Who wants to peruse old Perez gossip?
When it comes to aesthetics, I'm a bit of a fuss budget that way, too.
If I spy a scintillating pic or two that I've painstakingly chosen for the great unveil - running amok on the page or off-balance - I pounce on the offending snafu for a quick resolution to the problem.
Until I fitz a bit, the text may be inclined to boggle my visual sensibilities, too.
I'm constantly flipping back and forth from edit bay to the publishing queue, striving for dazzling perfection!
I guess Perez and I are both - um - anal that way.
While we're on the subject of anal.
When asked why he lost so much weight, Perez quipped - without batting a mascara-highlighted eyelid - that it was elementary, dear boy.
"I wanted to get laid."Judging by the publicity still that ran with the interview - he's either on the verge of nabbing that elusive toss in-the-hay - or is at least "this-close" to a fat "cigar".
After all, there's something about muscle tone that turns a head, 'ya know?
On occasion when I've let myself go - it didn't take long to fathom from the glazed-over eyes of disenchanted toy boys - that a sagging bod doesn't make it out of the "hook-up" starter's gate from the get-go.
Tone up a tad - and flex a bit of muscle under a tight "T" - and you'll have 'em eating out of your - um - hand in two seconds flat.
In West Hollywood, anyway.
Yeah, dudes are pretty visual!
I expect Perez has to sign a pact, though.
Before he hits the sack, guess he'll have to square away with potential fortune-hunters.
And, understandably, any savvy studly bedfellow will want to negotiate privacy issues before they're inclined to play "tango" between the sheets to ensure Perez won't reveal intimate details of a tryst in the event a nasty break-up busts up all over the Internet terrain.
Meow!
By the way, the gossip-meister noted that Madonna was tops in his books.
Why?
She shot a tailor-made video for Perez to upload to his dizzyingly popular website where millions cruise his titillating bylines for scrumptious scoops on their fave celebrities daily.
In his close-out comments, Perez beamed that the sweat off his brow paid off.
The boy from the wrong side of the tracks is a mover & a shaker in far-reaching social circles - in spite of the fact some nags in the gay community allege - he sold out.
Tsk!
How ever so?
In recent days, Perez cast off his wild fashion excesses to go upscale, and attend a a classy formal affair at the White House by chauffered limousine.
Did he kiss a lilttle a**?
Nothing wrong with toeing the line in polite society, if you ask me.
Show some respect and you'll get it back in spades.
Or, in pork, at least!
Perez exclaimed in the let-it-all-hang-out interview, that he epitomized the "American Dream".
To those on the end of his poison keyboard, he's an American nighmare, though.
What's next?
Splashy endorsements with a lot of zeroes in the checks?
Underwear ads? Hair products?
A webbie TV sitcom?
Ah, that's it.
Welcome to the Perez Hilton streaming video extravaganza.
Back in a nano-second after a word from our sponsor.
Spyware!
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