The man can deliver up patter in a rapid-fire pace.
As much as I scrambled to jot down all the juicy bits, I couldn't keep up.
Maybe I'll have to pack in die-hard journalistic habits - stop scribbling with pen and paper in hand - and turn a precise compact video camera on my subjects in the future.
Then, you'll see for yourself, what all the harping is about.
Of course, I'm raving about comedian Patton Oswalt.
The outgoing charismatic performer started out as a bit player on a myriad of TV shows such as NewsRadio, Dr. Katz, Mr. Show, and Seinfeld.
A bit of the rennaisance man, Oswalt also penned sketches for the long-running series MADtv and frequently lent his voice to Comedy Central's Crank Yankers as one of the program's below-the-belt prank callers.
In the tradition of the New Beverly Cinema, Oswalt was invited to host a mini-festival of films at the trendy little "it" cinema in Hollywood proper - where Edgar Wright, Quentin Tarantino, and Seth Green - are inclined to pop in to catch a classic thriller or much-ballyhooed comedy when schedules permit.
Two Matthau features - "Charley Varrick" & "Taking of Pelam 123" - were on the double-bill.
Oswalt started off his "set" by recalling the first time he attended a screening at the theatre many moons ago.
Before the curtain went up, he dashed across the street to pick up some Chinese "take out", to munch on during the screenings.
The hilarious comic laughingly recalled to the audience - how he painstakingly packed away the little boxes of food in various pockets on his person - to avoid being detected by the ushers.
When he plunked himself down upfront in the theatre, he was startled to witness many of the patrons eating openly under the footlights without any qualms.
"I think you could have dragged a hibachi in here and no one would have blinked an eye," he chirped.
Julia - a co-host of the event - was quick to point out why.
"Sherman (the former owner who passed away this past year) had a policy. As long as you share the goodies, it's okay."
The audience roared!
Anyone who frequents the New Beverly has probably experienced a glitch or two that may occur on screen from time to time.
Oswalt's takes the cake.
One night - at the climax of Casablanca when Humphrey Bogart is saying good-bye to Ingrid Bergman at the end of the film - the screen plunged into darkness.As the befuddled film buffs twisted in their seats in the dark, they couldn't help but overhear a lot of cursing emanating from the projectionist's booth upstairs.
Out-of-the-blue - one of the guests started to whistle the film's theme song - "As Time Goes By".
Within minutes, the entire audience was warbling along!
The comic noted that on occasion he attended screenings at those "other" theatres.
At one funky movie house, Oswalt was settling into "Citizen Kane", when an obnoxious drunken lout started to curse Orson Welles on screen.
"You homo," he cried out in disgust.
Turns out, it was screen legend Lawrence Tierney!
Everyone was scandalized.
About twenty minutes into the film, his handler sauntered into the dark theatre in search of him.
"Lawrence. Where are you? We gotta go."
In response, Mr. Tierney allegedly stumbled to his feet, and as he started to exit, he could be heard uttering a tribute.
"Not bad. The film's okay."
At another screening of a film he starred in, Mr. Tierney's conduct was so wild at the Egyptian Theatre (he allegedly pi**ed into a beverage cup fashioned in the image of the Prince of Egypt so he wouldn't miss any scenes) that they kicked him out!
His rantings about the fat a** of one actress were annoying to some, too.
"She tried to fu** me. That bit**," he grumbled as he headed towards the exit.
Understandably, Oswalt has been contemplating penning a tell-all autobiography.
That foray into the world of publishing had some benefits for the crowd last night.
Each of the book editors that held court with Oswalt, zipped off a gift package of books and novelty items, to woo him their way.
Oswalt raffled 'em off at the theatre last night, much to the delight of his fans.
Gosh, I was 4 digits out on one draw.
Always the bridesmaid, never the bride!
Huh?
Well, whatever.
Patton and Julia excitedly reminded the audience about a twenty-four night of horror films slated for screening at the New Beverly Cinema on October 18th.
The $20 admission will go towards paying for renovations at the theatre.
So, pitch in, won't 'ya?
Oswalt will return on Sunday night (October 4th) to screen two features on his favorites list - "The Line Up" and "Blast of Silence".
So, if you're in the mood for a stand-up comedy act, attend!
You just might wet your pants.
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