NBC blows!
If I was forced to quote a line from a comic (or two) to summarize the nasty scenario unfolding at NBC in recent days, I'd to quote one straight from the comedy duo "Laurel & Hardy".
"Another fine mess you've gotten me into."
Promises promises promises - that don't look like they're going to pan out for Conan O'Brian after all - eh?
Unfortunately, the other shoe dropped earlier today, when O'Brian officially announced to the strutting peacock brass (in addition to apologizing for his bad hair) that it's a no-go his end for a shot at the witching hour.
In a sly attempt to have their cake and eat it, too, the powers-that-be at NBC tried to wangle a deal to not only keep three of their top money-makers happy, but prevent them from bolting the airwaves of their fourth-place airwaves.
The splashy (!) new line-up would have slotted Leno in at 11:35 pm, with Conan to follow at 12:05 am, and Fallon slipping deeper into the caverns of insomniac hell.
The proposal - while creative - appears to have been a clever ploy to squeeze Conan out.
Well, it worked magic, alright.
Conan's not mad as hell (and not "not taking it anymore").
In fact, the lanky freckled-faced comic has managed to handle the whole sticky mess with a modicum of style and grace.
In a prepared statement - in addition to noting that we would not drop back thirty minutes to accommodate the proposed re-tooled schedule - the tactful talk-show host cited grounds that would not offend his bosses (or anyone else for that matter).
"I want no part in damaging what I consider the greatest fanchise in the history of broadcasting."
In spite of his reluctance to carry on - he came clean and admitted for the record that he currently has no offers on the table - in response to frenzied speculation that he might jump ship to breeze over to Fox (itching to spark things up in the late-night talk-show arena).
O'Brien's full statement is posted below for your amusement.
People of Earth:
"In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly lucky."
"That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision."
"Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009."
"Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future."
"It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both."
"But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule."
"Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35."
"For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news."
"I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting."
"The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show."
"Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot."
"That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy."
"So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show."
"But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter."
"But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more."
"There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next."
"My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work."
"Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way."
Yours
Conan
Sounds like Conan needs a good divorce lawyer!
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