Day before yesterday - I noted in passing on a blog post - that Olympic Medalist Michael Phelps appeared to have very little body "fat" on his trim muscular frame.
A day later, the Phelps' camp revealed to the press that the athlete actually gobbles down about 12,000 calories a day!
Because of all the strenuous work-outs and practice runs, the handsome swimmer laughingly jibed that the carbs just melt off his swimmer's bod.
"I can eat anything," he boasted.
I knew there would be something I hated about the guy!
I just cut Häagen-Dazs ice cream and mouth-watering pastries from my diet to stop a spare tire from buoying me up.
But, Phelps - astoundingly - manages to wolf down a five-egg omelet, three chocolate chip pancakes (this boy knows how to live!), a bowl of grits (always hated 'em), and an order of French Toast slathered with a sugary white-powder topping.
Swimming in Maple Syrup, I expect!
That's just breakfast, fellas.
Come dinnertime, Phelps sets his sights on a whole pizza, which he teams with a tasty packet of delicious pasta. With Lots of high-calorie Italian sauce, no doubt!
But, let's face it, age has a bit to do with it.
Twenty-somethin' guys (Phelps is 23) generally burn off calories in a nano-second. In fact - young guns can demolish two-for one pizzas with double cheese and sausage, a thirty-two ounce big gulp, and top it off with garlic bread and wings - without packing a paltry pound.
But, when a male hits thirty, watch out.
Chances are - most men will need to start up a health regimen at that ripe old age - that may include a jog around the park two or three times a week, some lap-time at the pool, and a bit of judicious food selection at the nightly dinner table.
In fact - every ten years - the body metabolism slows down.
So, "forty" and "fifty" are markers that will pack a whollop to the stud who was used to breezing through life lean and mean.
People are constantly amazed when they learn how old I am.
But, honestly, I work hard at it.
If I am going to whip down to my Calvins and hop in the sack, I don't want to be embarrassed, 'ya know?
So - whenever possible - I fast-walk instead of driving to a location. And, if time and access permit, I spring for a leap up or down the stairs instead of zoning out on the elevator.
And, there are at least three rigorous trips to the gym each week.
I also gave up chomping on three square meals a day, too.
In the alternative, I "graze".
I snack on small morsels of nutritious food throughout the day - and this is the key - only when I am hungry.
For the most part, I am in tip-top shape.
And, the benefits are great.
Occasionally - I am flattered when I am asked to show I.D. at the liquor store - or a trendy nightclub in West Hollywood.
And, attractive young cuties are constantly hitting me up for a date.
Now, let's hope a particular body part keeps functioning well.
I'm a little young for Viagra yet!
My man-tool has a little pride, 'ya know?
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