Shortly after I zipped off the freeway and along the last stretch into West Hollywood (on the return home after a brief fling in the desert oasis for a couple of weeks) I headed to my post office box in the heart of gay gulch to pick up my mail.
Imagine my surprise when I inserted the key into the lock, flipped open the door, and found myelf staring into an empty mail chute.
How could that be?
Correspondents informed me over the past week that documents were mailed out to me - and just like everyone else in this dreary God-forsaken place - bills normally arrive like clock-work each month begging to be paid.
Obviously, something was amiss.
So, I stood in line at the West Hollywood Post Office, with the aim of determining if letters were being stowed out-back in the bowels of the facility, for some inexplicable reason.
As I stood waiting, one clerk (new to the WeHo station) kept giving me dirty looks from her place behind the counter.
Uh-huh, she was probably annoyed with one of my recent posts, no doubt!
It comes with the territory, just ask Perez Hilton.
I ignored her.
But, when one of the customers finished their business at the counter - as fate would have it - the low-life was the next clerk to serve customers in line.
So, I was forced to stroll up to her section for assistance.
When I asked the young Afro-American postal employee to check for mail (please), she glared at me for a moment or two, then engaged in an outrageous line of conduct that was downright disturbing.
"Don't you have a key," she snarled at me.
"Yes, I do."
"Well, when you opened the box, what happened," she continued with her rude line of questioning.
"A million bucks fell out," I was tempted to joke, to add a bit of levity to an otherwise dreary encounter.
"It was empty," I responded as politely as possible (in spite of the fact I was getting more annoyed with this wretched woman by the second).
"Then, you don't have any mail," she retorted.
The homely gal with all the personality of a worm was too lazy to get off her fat butt and check.
So, I was inclined to point out the obvious.
"I have been away. Correspondents have informed me that they mailed out documents over a week ago. I know I have mail. So, please check."
Now, she was really pi**ed, in spite of the fact I paid for the box, and was entitled to due consideration.
As other customers watched on in disgust, she finally managed to shift gears a tad.
Duh!
"What's your box number," she growled at me.
At this juncture, she shuffled off to the back of the building like some tired old hooker, working the mean streets after midnight in a down-and-out tenderloin district off Main Street.
Sure enough, when she returned, she was dragging a large plastic carton filled with my "wayward" mail.
"They usually put a yellow notice in my box," I piped up.
I was quite taken aback by her response.
In a snotty derogatory tone of voice, she chastized me for not picking up my mail since such-and-such a date.
Huh?
Was she keeping tabs on me and my mail?
In view of the fact the clerks at the Post Office ignored binding rules and regulations (and normal post office protocol), I was inclined to view the whole unpleasant scenario as highly suspicious in nature.
One minute she said there was no mail - the next - she acknowledged she knew the date I last stopped by the Post Office to pick it up.
So, was she keeping her eyes on my mail (withholding it without notice or legal right to do so) with the ultimate aim of "stealing it" from the post office in order to rifle through it for personal information about moi?
Just maybe, she and her cohorts at the post office were trying to establish how long I generally stayed out-of-town on business or vacation jaunts, so they could break into my home and steal valuables?
Well, what am I supposed to think, under the circumstances?
I noticed, by the way, that there was a letter tucked away inside the pile of correspondence that was sent registered.
Normally, if a registered letter is not picked-up within a specific time frame (10 to 14 days), it is returned to sender so they are informed that the correspondence arrived safely.
The slip of paper that is normally attached to the special delivery letter in this instant case was missing!
Obviously, the clerk tore it off (and sent it back to the sender) to give the impression I received it (when I had not, in fact).
In sum, this action on the part of the clerk, amounted to forgery.
Tampering with mail is also a criminal offense (a felony).
Postal clerks are supposed to put mail in the box promptly, or post a notice that it is being held in the event there is too much mail for the box to hold, or notify the customer that a letter is being held that requires a signature.
It is not the post office worker's job to monitor a customer's "comings and goings", keep track of their mail, withhold mail without proper legal notice, or sign receipts alleging delivery of mail to the addressee (when that is not the case).
A few months ago, a similar instance of mail tampering occurred, which I duly reported to a supervisor.
For instance, one day I received a notice in my box informing me that there was a package which required a signature.
After I rang the bell at the side window at the post office to pick it up, and duly handed over the notice, two of the clerks on duty returned with a receipt for me to sign.
But, there wasn't any package in sight!
So, I asked them to produce it, so that I could verify the item was meant for me.
Their immediate reaction was to glance at each other in a rather guilty-looking fashion, before they reached for it from its "hiding place" just inside the window out-of-sight.
looked at each other in a sort-of guilty fashion, then produced it from a shelf inside the window where they had "hidden" it out of sight.
They were trying to get me to sign the receipt before I had the opportunity to inspect the package.
Talk about devious shocking and disturbing conduct!
I realize in retrospect why they did that after I inspected the package.
Because the large official-looking envelope was from a law firm, the two stupid bimbos probably jumped to the conclusion that the correspondence was related to an important legal matter (or a notice to appear in a judicial proceeding, etc).
To ensure that service was properly effected, they obviously concocted the scheme to trick me into signing the receipt in advance, without being keen (or alerted) to the consequences of acknowledging receipt!.
However, that was not the case, in this instance.
The package and documents mailed out (which required the signature) were of no legal important at all!
Notwithstanding, I filed a complaint with postal authorities because I was thoroughly irritated by the reprehensible conduct of the two postal clerks who were obviously snooping through my mail, tampering with it at whim, and having the audacity (and gall) to take a task upon themselves of effecting service - which was not only scandalously out-of-line (not their business) - but beyond the bounds of their legal authority.
On that occasion, the Post Office assured me the obvious violations of my right to privacy (and proper mail service without tampering) would not happen again.
But, this past month, the illegal tampering of mail has persisted once again.
In addition, it appears that the clerk in question discriminated against me, too.
Other boxholders receive notices that their mailed is being held when their boxes are full to capacity, are invited to pick up their correspondence without interference (or a tongue-lashing) accordingly, and-so-forth and-so-on.
In contrast, I did not receive any notice about my correspondence as required by postal rules and regulations, was forced to demand my mail be located when the clerk gave me the run-around and discriminated against me , and alsowas forced to endure demeaning conduct levelled at me from obvious racists in the employ of the U.S. Post Office at the West Hollywood outlet.
There outta be a law!
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