Recently, Joel Stein (Los Angeles Times writer) tongue-in-cheek urged the LGBT community to organize a "no gays day" - much like the one that Latinos launched a few years ago - to hammer home the point that homosexuals play a vital part in the community-at-large (and in the marketplace) today.
The suggestion came on the heels of the widespread protests that erupted in the streets after the sad outcome of Proposition 8 - which ultimately - overturned a prior court ruling allowing same-sex marriage in the State of California.
Inspired by the hilarious musings of Mr. Stein, I proceeded to pen a naughty post in response.
As I was about to publish it, though, I held back.
Sensing that the issue was still too "hot" for the community to handle, I chose to relegate the amusing piece to "draft" status.
However, yesterday when I opened a copy of one of the local gay rags, I came across an article that alleged that there is a plan afoot at Facebook to organize a bona fide "no gays day" sometime in the near future.
So, I have hauled out the piece I previously wrote, with apologies in advance if I offend!
I started off by quoting Mr. Stein who howled in his article:
"Gays marching around West Hollywood and Silver Lake with their tired old placards, makes about as much sense as holding a John McCain rally next month at John McCain's house."
In the alternative, Stein elected to declare a "No Gays" for a day moratorium for December 5th, for example.
In no uncertain terms, the writer urged gays take specific action in support of the cause on that day, or another of their choosing.
"Gays should stay home from work, school, and do no shopping to prove how crucial they are to American society," he argued.
"No Gays for a Day will demonstrate what it would be like if - as so much of the non-coastal U.S. seems to desire - gays just disappeared."
The wonder boy conjectured that - unlike the Mexican protest - it was wholly possible that regular Joes in America may not have realized how omnipresent gays are in daily society.
The "strike" probably won't shut down the restaurant industry like the immigrant rally did, he chortled, but one thing was for certain.
"On December 5th fashion would not move forward."
He may have a point, I noted, on cue.
A "no gay" day may have more impact - let's say - than one held by Mexicans or African Americans.
As to a Latino walk-out - well, a day without the piercing drone of a leaf blower in Beverly Hills spreading hapless stray leaves this way 'n that (and back again) ad nauseam - would be a welcome respite from it all.
I also pine for the hallowed day when the soles of my expensive shoes are not soiled because of the incessant "washing down" of concrete and pavement by a battalion of Mexican gardeners like clockwork each morning, noon, and night in the Beverly Hills flats.
Frankly, a day without a snack at McDonald's or Jack-in-the-box, might do every American some good.
On that day - it's just possible - that middle America may be blessed with an epiphany and swear off junk food handled by unclean undocumented workers' hands once and for all.
A fast-food break from an unlicensed lunch trolley downtown may actually curb the runs for a day or so, also.
Of course, if Afro-Americans jumped on the bandwagon, the impact may be more far-reaching, a little more startling, and maybe a tad more inconvenient.
There wouldn't be a one-and-half hour wait in line at the post office for stamps, or a nasty encounter with a huffy clerk, who thinks she's better than the white folks she belittles each day.
And, you can forget about catching a bus across town.
If you're hoping to best that heavyset bus driver (with the plump ass, bad attitude, and ruby red lipstick) forget it.
She'll be the first in line to hang up her tacky uniform and head out for grits.
Tourists won't have the luxury of having porters carry their bags to a waiting train for a couple of coins of the realm.
And, in tony upscale Hotels in Beverly Hills, guests will have to struggle with their own expensive carry-alls.
Forget about a quick jaunt to the local dope dealer for a bit of crack, or a quick romp in a cheap motel with skanky pu**y.No local pimp will be on hand to offer it up on a silver platter.
Yup, times would be tough for some, if Blacks stayed at home in South Los Angeles for twenty-four hours or so.
I expect that - contrary to what many citizens thought - there would be a number of hardships to bear if "gays" skipped their obligations for a day, too.
Blue-haired ladies would have to truss up their limp do's in a scarf, 'til Armando returned to touch up their highlights.
And, forget about a tasty meal at an upscale restaurant anywhere in Tinsel Town.
There won't be enough flippant waiters on hand to cater to any whim!
For a stressful day, discerning matrons may have to facilitate plastic flowers in the front foyer, because none of the fantzy-smantzy flower shops will have any flower arrangers on-the-ready to trim the tulips, arrange a few wisps of baby breath, or wrap the package in designer foils and fancy ribbons to tote back to the Manse.
Fashion victims heading off to Nordstrom's or Neiman Marcus will have to rustle up a bit of their own mix 'n match skills if they're inclined to snap up a bevy of ties, dress shirts, and suit ensembles without a stylist from Otis Institute on the floor to give the nod.
Many banks may have a shortfall of workers, too.
Didn't 'ya know?
Gays tend to be right where the moolah is.
God forbid, you should anger the touchy-feely sensitive fellow!
Yeah, gays tend to like to get a take on a potential mates' holdings, before hooking up.
Unless, it's for quick anonymous sex. The rules change, in that event.
Just ask George Michael.
Yup, whether you knew it or not, that fey little man with the attentive flourish at the teller's window, may be a homo keeping a watchful eye over your cash and checking balance.
Well, of course, this post is outrageous and brimming with shocking hate-filled snipes at various stereotypes - racially, sexually - whatever!
The point I'm making is that if we all wanted to get nasty with each other, there is a heap load of fodder in each - culture, closet, or backyard - to shake a big threatening stick at.
Ultimately, there are many ugly mean-spirited ways to rattle "cages".
The best case scenario?
Everyone in the community should stop stereotyping - and show compassion and understanding instead - to their fellow man, woman, and child - no matter their race, color, or creed.
And, bottom line, try to reach out and show empathy.
Give and take a little, if necessary.
As the old saying goes:
"Treat others as you would have them treat you."
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