The poor man's Julia Roberts!
The MTV Movie Awards were - wild and woolly, prone to lapses of judgment, rife with high-spirited hi-jinks - even poignant at times.
A lipstick lesbian, the alter-ego of Tom Cruise (in a show-stopping dance routine with Jennifer Lopez prettying up the theatrical terrain), and a bobbing Mark Wahlberg loose-as-a-goose caused tongues to wag at water coolers around the country the next day.
The racy ribald humor and streak of rat-a-tat expletives (for the most part nipped in the bud by quick thinking censors - except for a zinger or two - that broke through the shackles intended to harness them) didn’t surprise many.
What do you expect from a network hell-bent on churning out hip edgy hip material to satiate the robust free-wheeling organic tastes of their enviable demographic.
Hands down, MTV gets the nod for hustling up a smattering of precious television moments, that the competition will be struggling to match 'til network television doomsday.
Just around the corner, I expect.
Today, it was no surprise, then - to happen across a news clip in one of the morning papers - which reported that MTV was inclined to apologize for the raunchy material that splashed out over the airwaves non-stop to the delight of rapt viewers.
Ho-Hum.
Business as usual.
In true Hollywood style, the brass at MTV milked the much-anticipated musical extravaganza, for all it was worth.
To entice Sandra Bullock out-of-hiding, for example, the suits created a special Movie Award sure to drum up a ratings blockbuster if the scandal-ridden gal graced the stage with her presence.
Unfortunately, opportunistic starlets - like Scarlett Johansson - seized on the moment to thrust themselves into the glare of the spotlight.
In one of those awkward - you had to be there off-the-wall moments - the lipstick lesbo strode up to the stage begging for a kiss.
Say what?
Talk about queer!
Good sport that she is, Sandra plunked a deep one (somewhat reminiscent of the tongue probe that Al Gore surprised Tipper with) on her pouty lips.
Yeah, a real gagger.
That out of the way, Sandra uttered up one of the sanest sentiments of the night.
“Can we get back to normal now?”
When Tom Cruise gyrated on stage - with shaved head and bizarre wardrobe get-up - many anticipated another golden “couch” moment in spite of the fact Oprah was nowhere in sight.
Surprise!
The former mega-star - struggling for credibility in Tinsel-town after he slipped through the cracks in recent days for head-shaking screwball antics - pulled off an entertaining performance with a slightly out-of-character Jennifer Lopez at his side.
Wonders never cease.
The show continued at a dizzying pace - jokes jolted, fizzled, titillated, struck a chord or didn’t - go figure!
Uh-huh!
The smorgasbord of visual and audio delights was nothing short of a zany parade, with something for everyone, amidst a zoo-like atmosphere that stuck to the wall.
But, the big winner of the night was Twilight.
The sequel - Eclipse - nabbed 5 trophies - to the delight of fans who went wild at the mere mention of their cult hit!
Yes, the Vampire genre continues to propel the industry forward.
For MTV, it's a good marriage with the Twilight franchise.
Both, will suck the life out of you, if you let ‘em.
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