Taxi 2, Robert?
So, that was what that stink was, wafting across the city from the bowels of the AFI Fest at a red-in-the-face carpet-bagger premiere featuring a certain over-the-hill Taxi driver.
The "Everybody's Fine" carcas (DeNiro's latest turkey masquerading as a comedy feature) also stirred up a hornet's nest of nasty press this morning signalling a death knell for box office expectations come chilly December.
In a nutshell?
A widowed man (DeNiro, natch!) zips across the country to rustle up ties with his estranged kiddies (portrayed by B+ list players Drew Barrymore, Sam Rockwell, and Kate Beckinsale) but fails to muster up much bonding (or common sense) to mesh the reunion (or box office poison) into any surefire defining moment.
Nothing's fine about this pic, in fact, according to the normally "most-generous" critics!
Miramax and DeNiro were obviously down on their knees uttering up frenzied Hail Mary's just before the footlights fell, so desperate were the high stakes.
Were they praying for a celluloid miracle?
God works in mysterious ways!
If you know the insider-scoop, you get my drift.
Hallelujah!
Unfortunately, the basterized version of the Tornatore film (Stanno Tutti Bene) failed to rise to the holy Oscar-nod occasion - or any artful persuasion to speak of - so everybody went down in flames.
Poorly-written material, and the aforementioned losers, couldn't salvage the clunker or even manage to buttress it up to passable billl-of-fare.
Straight to DVD?
Sometimes you have to wonder about the obvious.
Didn't any of the suits in the screening room at the studio fathom up a clue that the big-budget fiasco was going to be a box-office dud?
I mean, in this hilarious scenario, who was screwin' who?
Guess stardust got in their eyes and blinded 'em.
Well, the audience got their money's worth.
Nothing.
After all, that's what they paid for the bogus tickets.
For me, a trailer signalled the impending disaster.
"Everybody's Fine" smacked of dated material, on the back of an ill-conceived concept, without any legs to go the distance.
The Hollywood Reporter put it this way:
"There isn't much that's fine in "Everybody's Fine," an embarrassing misfire for Kirk Jones, who once gave us the exhilarating comedy "Waking Ned Devine," and for Miramax, a storied company now reduced to little more than a film library."
Ouch!
I couldn't even give DeNiro top honors for having any fashion sense.
Photos of the aging Lothario tipped me off that he knew it was going to be a sleeper.
After all, the quirky actor simply tossed an oversized jacket (fastened at one button hole) over a pair of sloppy dress slacks, and paired 'em with a pale blue shirt somewhat reminiscent of a pajama top.
Maybe he got the date and directions wrong.
The Hugh Hefner Playboy party celebrating Halloween was on the weekend just down the strip a-ways.
Drew's raging ruby-red lipstick masquerade was over-the-top, too, and too-ripe for the Posh designer dress that screamed of cheap purple prose.
Meanwhile, Kate Beckinsale struggled in a second-skin throw-away gown, that appeared to have been fashioned out of a quilt or natty bedspread from the wrong side of town.
Personally, I erred on the side of caution!
The hot ticket across town (the Wes Anderson screening of the delightful "Mr. Fantastic Fox" sponsored by the LA TIMES) proved to be most entertaining!
Post: 11/04/09
http://ijulian.blogspot.com/2009/11/fantastic-mr-foxwes-anderson-jason.html
Sometimes, my instincts amaze me.
Bang on!
Darn, left the bedspread in the balcony at Mann's!
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