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Monday, May 17, 2010

Dancing with the Stars..tonight Miley a caged musical animal! Bruno's "F" bomb! Semi-finals dazzling...








It must have been the eye-popping glimpse of flesh that tripped up Bruno!

Shortly after one male dancer stepped up with his partner to await their score, the normally-unflappable Judge, unexpectedly experienced what host Tom Bergeron referred to as a "pre-paddle".

When Bruno raised his score card he shouted out "NINE".

But, on the face of the paddle, the number on display was a ten.

I speculate that the male dancer's shirt - a see-through erotic number in torquoise revealing well-pumped pecs - got Bruno so excited that he ejaculated beyond his original intention.

Spontaneous moments like that make "Dancing with the Stars" all the more titillating.

Speaking of which - the weekly bump-and-grind show - appears to have been transformed into a wild sexy peep show - and the heck with dancing - darling!

Just kidding, of course.

But surely you agree with me that each week the popular ratings-getting has been pushing the envelope within a hair's breath of the censor's knife.

In that, there was a startling boo-boo last night near the Judge's podium that caught everyone off guard.

Did Bruno utter up the "F" bomb?

Tom reacted with lightning speed to smooth over the storm of emotion that clouded the moment.

"That's what the censors get paid for," he shrugged.

One of the highlights of the fast-paced high-energy show was a performance by Derek and his pretty partner Nicole (who has been consistently knocking-out the judges, the studio audience, and viewers at home each week).

Bruno, not one to hold back, gushed that she was a divine enchantress who "drew us deeper and deeper into a love spell."

A female Judge was in tears.

"That was profound incredible dancing," she wailed without shame.

Although Derek's routine was perfection, his wardrobe choice left a lot to be desired.

Golly, the kid either lost a lot of weight lately, or his dresser snatched an oversized suit from the mothballs by mistake because he was swimming in fabric.

The actual silhouette - in black and sparked up with blood-red tie and pocket pouffe - suited him to a "t", nonetheless.

Len, in a tongue-twisting moment, finally blurted out that Nicole was more delicious than his grandmother's apple pie.

By the way, this sizzling routine scored the winsome twosome a perfect score of 30.

In-between segments, the audience was treated to a voluptuous Brooke, packed into a sensual skin-tight cocktail dress sexed up with black leather trim..

Too tight, Brooke, folds of skin were buckling at your underwarm, dear.

By the way, was that "all" her? 

Or, were sophisticated lift-and-thrust design techniques at work?

Meanwhile, Chad and Cheryl were lauded for their stand-out performance.

Len took a moment to congratulate Chad (the sports athlete) for maneuvering his way to the semi-finals in true style.

"The waltz was fantastic."

The get-up the designers crammed him into was God-awful!

He clowned around in a see-through peach-colored blouse - with a skirt-like effect at the upper waist - which actually revealed a VPL (visible pants line) whenever he turned his back to the judges, TV Cameras,  and studio audience.

Tacky!

Surprisingly, no one seemed to notice that his odd-ball dress mu mu was tugging incessantly in a nasty fashion at his chest.

No wonder he tossed the restricting fashion disaster off at the end of the segment.

At which point, the studiio audience went wild.

What a physique.

A quick-witted cameraman zoomed  in on Kareem Abdul Babar grinning at his buddy from the sidelines.

Bruno - normally Chad's toughest critic -shouted out his assessment.

"You're a star!"

Cheryl's sequined dress was soft and feminine and suited her complexion and skin tone

Evan (Olympic skater) was in top form last night, too.

"I have a problem letting go," he admitted in a segment which focused on his remarkable progress during the run of the hit-getter on the ABC weekly dance show.

With ease, he pulled off light kicks, tricky moves, and standard steps without looking back.

Kevin and Anna landied a standing ovation.

Bruno underscored that the artistry and musicality was there, but it was the happy-go-lucky manner in which the routine was carried out that appealed so widely.

"Talk about sparkle! Judy Garland & Mickey Rooney came alive."

A Judge usually inclined to criticize Evan for not connecting  was elated with what unfolded before her there on the ABC stage.

Evan confessed that after coming down off the Olympics, he was anxious to jump into an entertainment show such as "Dancing" because he wanted to do something fun and also learn how to dance.

A flashback of Erin - anchoring a local news show - was hilarious.

The popular contestant actually "thanked the audience for tuning"  in with the help of a teleprompter!

Surely, she could have just winged it, don't 'ya think?

If you missed "Stars" tonight, there will be a lot of frenzied chatter to catch up on at the water cooler, tomorrow morning.

Erin wore a gold lame skirt open in front, skimpy black panties, and knee high boots,

All she needed was a whip, and a dildo, and she'd be in business on Hollywood Blvd.

Bruno summed it up this way with tongue-in-cheek.

"A hot chick with a nasty dude."

Maxx was a turn-on in a sexy black leather vest and tight-fitting slacks that was an obvious tribute to Silverlake.

Len was confused.

"What was that?  A funky monkey, I guess. I don't know whether to vote on dance technique, the performance, or the talent," he scoffed in so many words.

Personally, I was shocked at the sight of  Erin's chunky thighs and unattractive wooden legs.

Tom chuckled that fans could catch Maxx in his regional production of Spartacus.

Whew!

What a fantastic glittering night.

Tonight, the Fox hit, will focus on the musical musings of Miley Cyrus and Sarah McLaughlin.

In fact, Miley is slated to turn up hot-to-trot in a cage!

Say what?




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