Well, they are dancin' a jig in San Francisco tonight, on the heels of an Appellate court ruling lifting a ban on "gay marriage".
So, while the legal eagles dissect and interpret the Judges' wranglings - and the mainstream press makes social commentary about the issues - I thought I would get "down" to practical issues.
The Quest? How to find an "eligible" gay man to pin your romantic hopes on!
True, the lifting of the ban may result in a little more openness among a handful of shy dudes who have been lurking around in the closet 'til now, but I am inclined to hazard a guess that there will be a couple of potential catches not so noticeable on the old "gaydar".
As fate would have it, I stumbled upon Laurie Mitchell's insightful book - "So, Is he Gay?" - in a used-book store - "Out of the Closet" - of all places. Imagine that! So, I thumbed through the sticky pages to find a handful of pointers for all you single folks out there on the look-out for a studly single homo guy to get hitched to.
Well, for starters, appearance may signal a few tell-tale signs, don’t ‘ya think?
According to Ms. Mitchell, a gay man stands out in his neatly-ironed shirt and perfectly-fitting - clean, never frayed or patched - designer jeans. In contrast, be on the watch for rumpled clothing and obvious "worn" spots in the trousers - where car keys, change, and a wallet have worn through - 'cause this means you're wasting your time on a die-hard straight dude.
To a gay man shoes are important; so, they are always coordinated with the rest of the chic ensemble, never worn down at the heels. The dude who chases chicks will have ones with thick soles - for comfort, not style - according to Mitchell. And, are usually paired with a shirt and pant toss up. He often refers to his wardrobe choices as "rags" - which they are (my notation, not hers).
Strike up a bit of chit-chat 'cause the non-heterosexual's career choice will signal a lot, too. One of the "boys" will be in antiques, a hotel desk clerk, or in gainful employment where fashion or theatre is involved, she asserts. The straight guy, according to Mitchell - first and foremost - is an engineer. That may conjure up macho images to some, but forget it. I say, be practical: what's the dude goin' to do with a pen** anyway, if he's not that way inclined?
Speaking of which, she correctly notes that the slang term - "uncut" - means "uncircumcised" to a friend of Dorothy. But, to a randy straight stud, the colorful word fathoms up images of sensual down-and-dirty "adult videos". Good target on that one, Ms. Mitchell.
If you stumble across a potential love interest in a park, keep your eye out for a foo-foo dog because it's a dead give-a-way. He-man types love big dogs that slurp them full in-the-face, that they can wrestle with, I say.
Gays use a loofah (bet you don't know what that is; confession, I do) while his true male counterpart prefers an old-fashioned washcloth, notes the author.
And, from me, another astute observation. At the Laundromat, straight guys just "heave-ho" all their soiled clothes into one giant machine - colors and whites - alike. Detergent? The dudes just dump it in with nary an afterthought.
In contrast, I have noticed gay men not only separating, but painstakingly mixing loads at extra expense. Later, fluff and fold downtime is used to surreptitiously cruise all the available bachelors in the coin wash.
Mitchell says there are distinct personality differences, too. On the dominant side, a gay male pursues fun first, getting laid second. I'm inclined to contradict; force of habit, I guess. Meanwhile, she contends that the straight arrow has a big focus on getting laid first and getting ahead, second.
Guess that's why he always grabs for the remote? (my offering)
Gays notice the details (there's a specialty magazine to facilitate that) while straights are into the "big picture". I'll add, where it matters most, in the chest.
A Gay filmgoer pines for Brad Pitt or Leonardo DiCaprio. Meanwhile, the heterosexual man is not threatened by actors - Sly Stallone, Bruce Willis, or handsome Harrison Ford - even if there are partial nude scenes of their studly buffed bods onscreen. (my observation)
When it comes to country music, the square-dancing gay LUVS Tammy Wynette. Straight cowboys prefer Hank Williams Jr., she contends.
And, what of the ever-changing fickle pop music scene? The "girls" may go for talented cutie Justin Timberlake. The straights, who knows? Somethin' tells me their tastes are all across the board! Depending on their girlfriends, I guess!
A sure sign he's gay?
He strikes up a conversation with you at the urinal in the men's room.
Likes what he spied below the belt, I figure!
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