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Showing posts with label Blogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blogs. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Tattler...featuring Blogs! Submissions, please...



If you're like moi, you probably have very little time during the course of the day to cruise the Internet, and take a gander at popular new blogs that are revving up - and subsequently - piquing widespread interest out in the wilds of the blogosphere.

On the other hand, perhaps you're an talented insightful blogger with a lot to chirp about.

In spite of the fact you've been toiling away publishing those sizzling posts at the crack of dawn each day, nobody is nibbling at the smorgasbord of delectable goodies you've been tossing their way.

The musings - like zillions of others out there - are going virtually unread.

Meanwhile, the popular "with-it" blog trend-setters, are continuing to make their merry way into dizzying social circles in a big way.

Maybe it's time to pack it in?

Nope!

Now, you have a chance to enter the big leagues, and become a celebrated hit-getter like gossip maven Perez Hilton or the undisputed Queen of the "blogs" Arianna Huffington.

Yes, the Tattler is expanding its horizons, and reaching out into the blogosphere!

Our high-profile website is setting aside a little premium space (!) in order to showcase - and ultimately thrust into the spotlight - a handful of bloggers who deserve a kick-start and a few kudos along the way.

So, if you're a blogger pining for a little more exposure - and aching to be a much-celebrated "Featured Blog" at the Tattler - just zip off an e-mail off to us when you have a mind to.

Contact:

publisher@thetattler.biz

A simple link to your blog to facilitate a quick review of your creative renderings is satisfactory.

However, if you include a brief bio with a couple of insightful (and/or heartfelt) notes on your - hopes, dreams, and wishes - may trigger a profile piece alongside your blog site entry.

Good luck!


Sunday, October 26, 2008

Blogging...Internet opens door to past. Dancin' Don resurfaces...



Many savvy surfers cruise the net to make new connections - in chat rooms, at blog sites, wherever - in the hope of expanding their horizons.

In recent days, I've come to recognize that penning a blog may also open up dusty doors into the past!

This morning, for instance, I was quite startled to find a comment waiting for me where I posted on an old vintage JOHN LENNON interview from CBC TV taped back in the late sixties. (www.julian1st.wordpress.com / October 26)

"I remember you," noted "Newbroom."

"You were Dancin Don. I was there with you. I went to the Rock 'n Roll Festival when John showed up with the Plastic Ono Band. Great memories. Nice blog, too."

Oh my Gosh!

Yes, before I moved to the United States many moons ago (to use an old hippie expression that seems appropriate at this heady moment!) I changed my birth name legally to the one I used on stage.

Before I was "Julian", I was "Don".



When I was teenager I was known for two things basically: wild curly hair and dancing.

And, for being an infamous resident of the legendary Rochdale College.


I was a street performer - and often showed up at major rock concerts around the country - acting out in impromptu skits or dancing in my own inimitable style much to the delight of stoned audiences!

Photographers used to scramble to photograph me; subsequently, I often ended up in the pages of slick glossy magazines and local throw-a-way newspapers (in the Vancouver mainland and metropolitan Toronto areas) in half-naked poses which flaunted ragged blue jeans, naked torso and bare feet.

In one of my favorite "portraits", a photographer caught me mid-flight - with back arched - against the backdrop of Toronto's futuristic City Hall (one of my favorite pieces of architecture).

One one occasion - I became notorious when I attended a rock concert on Baldwin Street - and was summarily arrested in a near riot while dancing on a police car.

A documentary filmmaker (Morley Markson) caught the whole incident on film and it ended up on the National News that evening on CBC TV.

Yes, I was suddenly catapulted into fame!

When I padded into court in barefeet, the police officer on the witness stand testified that I was doing something of a "war dance" (a quote from the Toronto Telegram news report) which prompted loud guffaws from all in attendance and a stern request from the Judge for "order" in the court.

An aggressive young criminal attorney - Clayton Ruby - convinced the Judge that it was actually the police who caused the disturbance.

Case dismissed!

I became a local hero, of sorts.

As a result, people familiar with my first name, referred to me affectionately as "Dancin' Don".

To others, I was simply "The Dancer".

That was a long time ago - so it surprised the heck out of me thirty eight years later - to get an e-mail from a total stranger recalling my former "persona" in the olden golden days!!!

But, that was not a lone occasion for the past to creep into my life of late, due to blog exposure on the world-wide-web.


A few months ago, I wrote a post on "Jackie Curtis" (the Warhol Star) who I became friends with back in 1974 in the "Big Apple" (NYC).

You may recall that Lou Reed wrote a lyric about Jackie in one of his big hits of the day.

"Walk on the Wild Side"

In that hit tune, Lou droned:

"Jackie was just speedin' away. Thought she was James Dean for a day."

Well, a few months after I published the post, I suddenly got an e-mail out-of-the blue from Jimmy Carnicia.

Back in the early seventies (!) I was involved in a provocative stage production - "The Magic Hype" - which was written and directed by Mr. Carnicia.


The zany high-spirited off-beat musical was a spoof on the Andy Warhol characters performed by the well-know local troupe, the "Hot Peaches".

Yes, I was once a "Hot Peach".

No comments, please!


Anyhoo, Jimmy saw the blog post, and contacted me through my e-mail address.

Imagine that, we were out-of-touch for over 34 years!

Wanna know the scary part?

Jimmy recently developed a web site in memory of the "Hot Peaches" - replete with old stills from the live shows - sure to rustle up nostalgic memories for fans of the "Hot Peaches" cast.

Oh my gosh!

He has a shot of "The Magic Hype" production, too.

There I am in tights, a sparkly outfit, wild mane of hair, and tons of make-up.

Gorgeous, dahlink!

Nope, you can never escape the past, and for good reason.

A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen.
(Edward de Bono)

God gave us memories that we might have roses in December.
(J.M. Barrie, Courage)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Blog Action Day...activist Dorothy Green "Healed the Bay" while others were poor in spirit!




When I informed a handful of people I would be penning a post on Dorothy Green who founded "Heal the Bay" - some undoubtedly wondered why since this year's blog action topic is on "poverty".

As I pointed out in my "introduction" at the top of the blog today, there are many forms of "poverty".

For the most part, when we use the term, we tend to conjure of images of the homeless and children begging in the streets for food in third-world countries.

While I have addressed the issues in 3 separate posts - "World Hunger", "Alms for the Poor", and by virtue of a quote from "Mahatma Gandhi" - I thought it was also important to note that some suffer from "spiritual poverty" as well.

As Gandhi noted, it is due to prevailing greed, that many remain begging in respect to the basic necessities of life.

The post on "World Hungry" points an accusing finger at a handful of wealthy men - who rape the earth of her bounty - as they likewise - greedily control the assets of the world.

Meanwhile, the masses struggle in obscurity and go hungry daily around the globe.

In sum, society is plagued by the morally bankrupt.

In essence, the lot of them are spiritually poor.

Yes - food and shelter is important - but as a race it is of the utmost importance, too, to strive for lasting peace among all nations and a harmonious co-existence with Mother Earth.

In that respect, one woman - Dorothy Green - was not "poor".

In fact, she was quite rich in spirit, and a generous "giver", as she worked tirelessly to turn back the clock on pollution, and global warming, and a consciousness that was upsetting the equilibrium.

At a time when activism in the environment arena was not popular, for instance, Ms. Green had the vision to recognize the urgency of tackling a growing problem in respect to waste in the bay off the Santa Monica Coast.

Instead of sitting back and complaining, and turning a blind eye, the feisty gal took action.

It all started when her brother was splattered with poorly treated sewage water in 1985 from an open drain at Ballona Creek in Marina Del Rey.

When there were no answers forthcoming from City Hall to account for the outrage, Ms. Green invited a handful of other concerned residents in the area to her home, and they summarily formed the "green" movement - "Heal the Bay".

At that time, the challenges were mind-boggling, but the spirited do-gooder was not deterred.

"We had a dead zone in the middle of Santa Monica Bay, we had bottom fish with tumors and 10-million-gallon sewage spills in the middle of a bright summer day. None of that occurs today," noted marine biologist - Mark Gold - triumphantly.

No, Sir!

Today, "Heal the Bay" is one of the largest non-profit organizations in Los Angeles (consisting at last count of fifteen thousand members strong).

"Heal" launched constructive ongoing "pollution" watches which continue to this day.

An annual "Beach Report Card" on water quality at California Beaches is published each year, for instance.



In addition, Dorothy Green founded and headed up sister projects such as the Los Angeles and San Gabriel River Watershed Councils dedicated to restoring and preserving the watershed in the lower mainland.


In tandem with this non-profit project, Ms. Green instituted the California Impact Network which focuses on the equitable use of public water.

The Chairman of the Board of the Metropolitan Water District of Southern California was emphatic about one thing.

"Ms. Green was quite unique in her generation," he beamed.

She took a step forward where no woman (or man) had gone before and effected real change.

Some say - when residents and tourists gaze out over the oceanfront beaches - and take in the glorious vistas which are healing to the eyes - that it is mainly due to Green's dedication to the cause that affords us the pleasure.

It is with sadness that I report that Ms. Green passed away into "spirit" earlier this week.

But her legacy remains with us.

And, we are much richer, for it!


Blog Action Day...I'm in, are you? Post a healing message on poverty October 15th...

Friday, October 10, 2008

Bloggie Award..."The Mother Load" nabs it!

"The Mother Load" - a site for mothers who are not afraid to tell it like it is - just got the nod for a Bloggie Award.

The well-designed blog is maintained by best buds - Jenica Bergere and Brooke Purdy - who have incorporated myriad strands of video, audio, and plain text into the mix with surprising entertaining results.

To snag some attention for the site - the winsome twosome put on their "thinking caps" - and came up with a catchy hook to pique the interest of the folks who dole out the Bloggie Awards.

“Just because you’re a mommy does't mean you can’t talk smack.”

After taking a gander, there was a ceremonious drum roll, and the results were tabulated.

For "Visual Aesthetics" the site rated a "10".

Mother Load nabbed this top honor because the home page is crafted in vivid colors which complement each other well in the overall mix.

A photo of the two moms and their kids is worth - as they say - a thousand words!

In addition, salient eye-catching photos are scattered within the posts, to spice up the dialogue.

"User Friendliness" garnered a "10" as well.

Mother Load was given kudos for offering up links to all relevant content within the site in a straightforward manner that warmed up to the browser.

Ah, another "10", for actual reading enjoyment.

So, it wasn't just a lot of eye candy, eh?

The bloggies issued a word of caution, though.

For the prudish - "Mother" may be quite the load to swallow - without blushing at least!

Because the site is relatively new, blog radar scored the content at "8".

The blogger "Moms" advice on a handful of issues isn't too practical in the strictest sense, according to the critic reviewing the site.

For "Overall Experience", the Mother Load nudged up a tad higher to land a "9".

The reason?

If you're a mother - tired of being labelled and stuck in a box - Mother Load is inclined to inspire those who are bogged down to get out, kick up their heels, and have some merriment in their otherwise dreary lives.

Amen!

http://www.motherloadradio.com/HOME.html


Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Ariana Huffington...Queen of the Blogs? Not!


The morning daily touted Ariana Huffington as "Queen" of the blogs.
I thought that Perez Hilton held that title?

Huffington still a bit green in scintillating blogger circles...

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Bloggers...under "big tent" at Democratic National Convention!

Blogger keyboards at the ready...

Some have been grumbling at the Democratic National Convention that bloggers don't get any respect.

But, you've come a long way, newbie!

At the convention in 2004, those who loved to "post-it" in the blogosphere were issued press credentials, granted.

And, allowed to mingle with the elite in the mainstream media.

But, the relations were strained a tad.

At the Dems' big bash this year, illustrious bloggers have not only been given the "green light" for access to all the relevant (and not so relevant) political events, but given asylum - if you will - under a "big tent".

The grandiose digs herald a new dawn for Internet pundits who have gained momentum and power in recent days on the political landscape.

Just ask Obama and Clinton - who are still stinging from a spiteful blogger's word-stalking - on the campaign trail in recent days.

Although blogsters were required to cough up one hundred bucks for their credentials, the joyride include wi-fi access, free burritos, and never-ending kegs of beer to wash the high-protein snack down with.

Heh, they're making out like bandits in Denver.

I'd better hop on a plane, pronto, and join the fray!

But, there have been some glitches in communication - in spite of the state-of-the-art presence of gizmos provided by two generous sponsors - Google and Digg.

When MSNBC tried to hand over the reigns to a newsie in-the-field for coverage on the blog presence at the Democratic Convention this morning, a number of technical difficulties delayed broadcast of the reports.

The anchor man joked,

"This is all the way from the Bloggers' camp in the Ukraine, so the feed is slow."

In view of the way some of the legit high-powered media types treat 'em, they may as well be!

All kidding aside, the bloggers appear to be happy as clams in their comfy digs.

One web writer noted on-camera that the free-standing canvas facility provided an independent base for their cerebral musings to emanate freely from.

No, sir!

This savvy blogster didn't intend to be influenced - nor did he plan to kow-tow to - the Democratic machine spinning their own wheels just outside the tent flaps.

Google and Digg sponsored the 8,000 square foot facility which includes a theatre, lots of leading-edge gizmos, and all the blogger interaction you could imagine in your wildest web-surfing dreams.

But, what will the talking heads produce, I wonder.

I'll be cruising the net this evening to take a gander.

Let's hope what Barbara Ehrenreich once opined is not true:

"We who officially value freedom of speech above life itself seem to have nothing to talk about but the weather."

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Los Angeles Film Festival...Richard Raddon improper behaviour. LA Times conflict of Interest! Blogger disdain. Pass on it...

I tell you, they are a screwy bunch over there at the Los Angeles Film Festival.

In recent months - whenever there has been a Festival of Films - I simply get in touch with the Festival Director and a press pass is issued so that I may cover the events, pen reviews, and interview guests whether they be a director, a star, whatever.

That was the case with the 24th Annual Asian Pacific Film Festival, the Newport Beach Film Festival, the Backlot Film Festival, and the Mockfest Film Festival.

In recent days - I was not only baffled by the questionable conduct of the Festival Director - Richard Raddon - but taken aback at his incessant game-playing, lies and deceit, and obvious efforts to either bribe me, make a pass at me, or wrangle my services for the Los Angeles Film Festival.

A case in point.

I submitted my request for a press pass in anticipation of the event looming on the horizon. But, a response was long in arriving.

I was about to send a query to determine if the request had been lost - when a lowly Public Relations person - Petra Kauraisa - sent me a curt notice informing me that her office could not provide an accreditation for the Film Festival.

Without explanation, mind you. Talk about unprofessional conduct.

What an odd turn of events!

Especially in view of the fact I gave coverage to handful of their events last year.

In fact I gave glowing reviews to worthy entries at the Festival.

Talk about ungrateful bast**ds!

In a good-faith effort to resolve the issue - and assuming the young lady was not familiar with my credentials - I responded by enlightening her that I was a critic in the professional arena, a known-writer, and then proceeded to provide links of Festival coverage to her superior, Julie Siegel (Public Relations).

Normally, I don't like to toot my own horn, but what was a boy to do?

The experience was somewhat intriguing because my press credentials for the CineVegas Film Festival (a major Film Festival event in the United States) were just approved without problem.

Why does a rinky-dink little Film circuit program like the Los Angeles Film Festival have such a difficult time issuing press passes?

At first, I thought - well now - the Los Angeles Times wants all the coverage of the events to themselves. After all they are a sponsor of the Festival.

The idea that the Los Angeles Times was behind the rejection is not all that far-fetched, either.

It should be noted that in recent days I reported on the LA Book Festival.

I did not attend, though.

I simply gave notice of the much-anticipated event (to be attended by Literary giants such as Gay Talese) so that interested blog readers could attend if they were unaware the popular fair was scheduled that weekend.

On the heels of that fair, a journalist at the Los Angeles Times newspaper made some disparaging remarks about bloggers. For instance, the writer reported there were a lot of scruffy bloggers at the UCLA celebration.

Obviously, at the Los Angeles Times there is some disdain towards bloggers.

After all, the remark, was uncalled for.

Another writer - at the same paper - also lamented one day in another piece that bloggers hadn't gone through the journalist route and inferred that they hadn't paid their dues and - bottom line - suggested that they weren't bona fide professional writers.

When you consider these events, it would appear there may be a connection between the obvious disdain towards bloggers at the Los Angeles Times, and the denial of a press pass to a blogger who openly competes with their newspaper on a daily basis, wouldn't you think?

After all, in the event you were unaware of it, the Los Angeles Times backs the annual Los Angeles Film Festival.

In retrospect (and all things considered) it would appear that the newspaper may be inclined to hog all the coverage of the events for itself - or in a more sinister vein - is trying to control the image of a Festival that is their "baby" which they have gone to great pains - along with an impressive outlay of cash - to build, promote, and boast about in the community each year.

Understandably - in my view - it is a conflict of interest for the LA Times to act as a major sponsor for the Los Angeles Film Festival for obvious reasons.

It would appear they only want select journalists - and maybe non-bloggers - to attend their press events to garner the high-profile coverage they are seeking to tout their artistic efforts.

In view of the foregoing facts, the argument is compelling, isn't it?

Notwithstanding these curious events - it should be noted that after I received word there would not be a press pass - I proceeded to ask the Public Relations office to provide the name and e-mail address of the Festival Director so that I could lodge a formal complaint.

At this juncture, things got curiouser and curiouser, as they say.

Mr. Raddon - the Festival Director (who had been out-of-the-loop until this time) - sent me an odd e-mail out-of-the-blue replete with staggering implications and - under the circumstances - some highly unusual requests.

He started by informing me that he had "watched" the trail of e-mails back and forth between myself and the publicity department and that he realized that I may be able to "help" the Festival because they were trying to resolve some web issues.

Verbatim, his e-mail says:

"We are working on many web agendas and you sound like the kind of individual who would have a wealth of information about this arena."

Then, he requested I meet with him as soon as possible.

"I am open this week. Accreditation at the LA Film Festival wont be a problem, but I want to meet."

Why, pray tell?

In fact - the urgency of his demands, and the nature of them - were a little unsettling.

One minute, Raddon's office denies me a press pass; then, in the next breath they urgently court me on the grounds that I "have a wealth of information about this arena" that may be of use to them?

If my wealth of information requires an urgent meeting, then why wouldn't he issue the pass?

Because there appeared to be no logic to his actions, I had to seriously consider if there were strings attached.

He said he could come to my neighbourhood. That we could have drinks.

Verbatim, his e-mail says:

"I would still like to meet you in person and I can come to your neighborhood for a quick lunch or drinks. Please let me know if you have the time and inclination."

Gosh, what was going on here?

He wants to come to my neighborhood and have drinks?

When I noted somewhat hesitantly that I was busy with preparations for the upcoming Vegas Film Festival coverage, he responded by noting,

"I have to leave Thursday afternoon for a family emergency. are u free tomorrow at all? ill come to you."

I've never had a Festival Director ever made such an overt, improper request, in my entire life.

For this reason, I was leery.

Since he said - "if I had the time and inclination" - I decided to pass.

And - since he said the pass would be no problem - I just expected it to be ready at the Festival gate when the festivities commenced in Westwood.

This evening, in anticipation of my plans for Vegas, I zipped off an e-mail to Mr. Raddon to ensure that the press pass would be ready at the Festival grounds.

Imagine my shock when he proceeded to not only pester me about meeting once again, but inferred that unless I did, there would be no press pass.

Does that sound like coercion to you?

I responded by noting that I basically found his behaviour odd and that I would forgo on any future efforts to obtain a press pass.

I notified him of my intention to file a post online to report on his bizarre odd-ball antics, and to inform my readers as to why I would not be reporting on the Los Angeles Film Festival this year.

In response, he threatened to sue me.

"I now consider this matter closed and will be turning it over to our lawyers. The law has very strict punitive guidelines for slander. We will be watching."

Well, I laughed out loud.

The man is obviously off his rocker.

First of all, slander pertains to the "uttered" word.

You can not sue a person for slander for remarks that are in written form.

Secondly, his comments about the lawyers, also appears to have been an attempt to threaten and intimidate me.

You can't be sued for printing the truth, Sir!

In sum - when you consider the chain of events (and Mr. Raddon's conduct) - it is quite obvious the man was up to "no good".

If my credentials did not pass muster, why did he want to meet with me to obtain my assistance on matters he noted amounted to - in his own words - a wealth of experience?

Why did he say the accreditation was not a problem, but later, deny it?

Obviously, Mr. Raddon wanted to meet with me in person to discuss matters he preferred not to be in writing - and in my estimation - was anxious to seize on such a meeting to perhaps make inappropriate advances to me on various questionable levels.

Why did Mr. Raddon have to meet me away from his office?

And, in my neighborhood?

And, for drinks?

Sir, I don't take bribes.

And, if you thought that once in my neighborhood (after we had a few drinks) that I would invite you to my "home" nearby, you were mistaken.

I do not help festivals sort out their problems.

I try to remain neutral in my business and professional relationships, without influence.

And, in the final analysis, I report my point of view fairly and squarely.

Mr. Raddon - at this point - it is obvious you need therapy!

Also - in view of your lack of ethics and professionalism (and inability to pen the simplest of e-mails) - I seriously have to ponder how you landed the Festival Director position in the first place.

All things considered, in my opinion, you are a disgrace to the Los Angeles Film Festival scene.

In fact, if you ask me, you are a menace to the community at large.

I'd rather get a root canal then mingle with clowns like you.

As to the Festival, by the way, it looks like pretty lackluster stuff.

Old re-runs of films, in some instances. And, unimaginative, cliche attempts to ponder the medium of film.

Losers!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Dykes on Bikes, Mark Wahlberg, Harry Potter gay spoof...rack up hits!


One of the features at WordPress I have particularly warmed up to is the blog stats function.

If a blogger is wondering how it is that web surfers unceremoniously arrived at his or her doorstep, the savvy blogster has only to check a special section of the logs to determine which "search words" were used to locate the site.

Also, since WordPress automatically matches up blog posts with related stories of interest, it is immensely intriguing to use a little detective work and fathom the links that hooked up the mercurial Internet seekers to your posts.

Another feature is pretty practical, too.

A WordPress filter senses when a spam post is being attempted and summarily places it into a holding pattern or queue until the blog owner has the opportunity to okay it or not.

For example, after I posted a feature on Erotica LA this weekend, my site was inundated with ads, videos, and promos for porno web sites!

I was able to select the best ones - um - weed out the nasty little devils and send them off to the recycle bin.

Aw, what waste of succulent erotic flesh, eh?

Most web site owners and bloggers are curious to know how popular their site is and how many clicks they're getting.

Over the past couple of days, for instance, the logs paved the way for me.

A post on Dykes on Bikes (West Hollywood Gay Pride), Mark Wahlberg (shower scene), and a gay video spoof on Harry Potter landed the top hits.

Angelina Jolie scored pretty high as well.

With a little astute analysis it should be obvious to many that this weekend - for some inexplicable reason - the masses around the Nation were horny, titillated by gay sex, and fascinated by butch women on motorcycles.

Only in America!


Risque Beowulf publicity stills of Angelina Jolie revved up the band waves!

Thursday, June 5, 2008

John McCain...blogger attacks reveal scrapper tendencies. Red-neck blues over Obama win.






Well, old soldier-boy with the machine-gun mentality, sure fired off a mouthful of slugs helter-skelter this week.

Allegedly pi**ed over a raft of biting barbs flung his way from bloggers and pundits alike, the old war horse dusted off the artillery and took a few pot shots at a whole posse of 'em.

A few zingers about his bad temper, curious dalliances with a multitude of lobbyists, and his overall inclination towards rusty "antiquity", got his goat so-to-speak.

Lamenting that he was "up to here" (where that is, we're not sure) with their scurrilous antics, he was inclined to pose a scintillating question to confidants, devoted family members, and newsies at Fox.

"What do you call a hundred-thousand bloggers bound in chains at the bottom of the ocean?"

When the faithful reacted in shock to the answer - "The first month of my presidential administration" - I expect he was cackling away maniacally in the war room at the Pentagon.

Yeah, the paranoid little scrapper doesn't have a foot in the White House yet, and he's already engaged in maneuvers to obliterate a hostile coalition in the trenches he imagines is out to oust him.

Even if it takes him a hundred years, I expect.

The old gas bag rubbed his hands with glee when he revealed to a captive press his intention to replace those nagging bloggers ("sniping bastards") with intelligent (yet loyal) robots manufactured "right here in the United States".

Mr. McCain, I thought that locally-manned factories went the way of the rhino - um - Dinosaur?

Ever heard of the term "outsourcing", Sir?

"As for the losers who comment on blogs, letters to the editor, or call-in TV talk shows," Mr. McCain continued, "I will substitute charming chimpanzees to do the same job."

Well, as long as they're not combative, John. Charm we can live with.

He'll no doubt enlist 'em from his circle of friends and supporters who are inclined to charmingly ape each other, anyway.

Ironically, some of Mr. McCain's "most vocally corrosive detractors" - according to one astute newspaper reporter - "come from his own GOP Party".

Mr. Cheney - remember him? - was so incensed by McCain's outrageous conduct that he mentioned to a handful of constituents in passing that he'd like to tie McCain to a porch and beat him with a stick.

Unfortunately, Bush's "Dick" is too short to carry out the task.

Ouch!

Well, that's the first worthwhile effort that Mr. Cheney (he is VP, isn't he?) to the national dialogue in recent days.

The White House shadow was downright adamant that politicians shouldn't wax poetic about that kind of idle cocktail chatter when they're running for office.

So, I guess McCain has outed himself, in some respects.

Imagine, on the heels of Obama's big-win Tuesday, he's already losin' it.

In fact, a number of bizarre comments uttered in the heat of the moment have signaled just how balmy Mr. McCain is.

For instance, if he had his druthers, he'd take the Internet Information Highway hostage, too.

"America has lost its competitive advantage due to employees wasting time on the Internet all day long while they're at work," Mr. McCain said.

Say what?

I thought it's because we're in an expensive unpopular war scorned upon by the world.

You're just jealous because you don't know how to turn a PC on, John.

The gnarly sexy senior sure has demonstrated an eloquence when it comes to the spoken word, too, hasn't he?

"They want to open Hotmail or the Google I say they should open a big can of shut the hell up."

Sounds tasty. Can you microwave that?

Is he just envious because he doesn't know what a link is?

Oh, the man prostesteth too much.

He zips off communications by telegram, after all. Just how archaic is that?

Maybe it's time to put down the walkie-talkie, ole boy.

You need to join myspace and make a friend or two.

And, boldly go where you and your cronies have never ventured before, the real world!


John, quite the girly-man...