Lindsay Lohan...Ooops! Judge screwed up on alcohol ban! Star limited to 1 guest!

On the heels of tossing a chic soiree for an elite circle of pals on the roof of her beach-front condo, "Mean Girls" star - Lindsay Lohan - saw her world careen out-of-control once again.

Well, momentarily!

Before a snitch could utter up "probation violation"- a bench-warmer presiding over Lindsay's complex legal proceedings - was inclined to haul the starlet's pretty a** back into court for downing a few drinkie-poohs while under house arrest.

Once in court, however, Lindsay's astute lawyer pointed out that when the terms for the "house arrest" were approved there wasn't any stipulation that the troubled addict refrain from tossing back a shot or two (to ease the pain now-and-then).

Ooops!

The Judge ended up with egg on her face!

As one of the kids on TMZ would quip.

"Was that scrambled or fertilized?"

Subsequently, the testy Judicial Officer was forced to shift gears and issue a spanking-new directive so there would be no bones about the issues in the future.

In no uncertain terms, the Jurist (obviously on the rag in view of her bitchy demeanour yesterday) hammered home the obvious.

Although Ms. Lohan was able to roam freely within the confines of her comfy lodgings at the beach, she was - in essence - still in "jail".

With this in mind - and in view of Lindsay's flagrant disregard for the sanctity of the Judicial System - the Judge proceeded to ban all parties in the future.

In a bold-faced effort to accomplish this end, the Judge imposed a restriction on guests.

Currently, Ms. Lohan is only allowed to invite one guest to her home whenever there is a need for companionship.

The hanging Judge stopped short of taking her allowance away, I expect.

By the way, if you're a fan - rooting for Ms. Lohan - you've obviously been marking the days of her incarceration (!) on the calendar.

Good news!

Lohan has a scant few days to remain sober, clean, and humble as a church mouse.

Will Lohan be celebrating her freedom with a night out on-the-town?

News at 11!

http://www.thetattler.biz/

Lindsay Lohan...stern Judge threatens jail time for troubled starlet!



Poor Lindsay Lohan!

This morning, the world of the naughty high-profile starlet came tumbling down, and she was suddenly left in a lurch between-a-rock & a-hard-place!

Uh-huh!

When the drug-addled tabloid-plagued beauty appeared before a crusty old bench-warmer (a hanging Judge?) bright-and-early (to answer to what some are calling a "trumped-up" felony charge arising from the alleged theft of a pricey one-of-a-kind necklace from a Venice storefront jeweller) she was in for an unexpected shock.

The Superior Court Judge - presiding over the much-publicized case - threatened that he would send the pretty actress (with a penchant for dressing inappropriately for court) to jail if she accepted a plea bargain offered by the prosecutor's office.

Although the terms of that deal were not made public, Judge Keith Schwartz underscored from the bench, that Lohan would have to plead guilty or "no contest" to a charge that she "lifted" a piece of merchandise without paying the ticket price.

If Lohan sauntered into court expecting a slap on the wrist, her expectations were not only sky-high - but, without doubt - unrealistic.

"This case involves jail time," bench-warmer Judge Schwartz gruffly informed the "Mean Girls" actress as she sat stone-faced next to legal counsel.

"If you plead in front of me - if this case resolves in front of me - you are going to jail. Period. It may be an issue as to the amount of time."

The surly old adjudicator sure was high on drama, wasn't he?

Period!

However, there is a glimmer of hope for Ms. Lohan.

Schwartz noted (no bones about it) - that if Lohan rejected the plea bargain - the case would be set for a preliminary hearing in front of another judge.

Will another Jurist show more mercy?

The light-fingered sexpot must cough up a decision by her next court appearance which is slated for March 10th.

News at 11!

http://www.thetattler.biz/



Pretty is as pretty does!

Lindsay Lohan...pleads not guilty on felony charge of grand theft! Stay-away orders!

Lohan may have to sport fashions courtesy the local jailer!



Lindsay Lohan ran the media gauntlet once again - at the Airport Courthouse with jurisdiction over pending legal issues - to appear at an arraignment today on a grand theft felony charge in connection with the alleged disappearance of a pricey necklace.

Once again, the scripted material was pretty predictable.

Say what?

"Who me, guilty of theft?"

With little ado, Ms. Lohan informed the Judge presiding over the proceedings - Keith L. Schwartz - that she was most "not guilty".

Although his honor hinted that he might deny bail, he reneged on that promise.

A short while later, Ms. Lohan's bail was set at $40,000.00 smackeroos.

"You're in a different situation now that a felony has been filed against you," Schwartz told Lohan.

"You need to follow the laws just like everybody else. You're no different than anyone else, so please don't push your luck."

Because there appeared to be some effort on the part of "someone" (Lohan's handlers?) - to butter up the Venice Beach shopkeeper (flowers were delivered on the heels of the filing of the felony charge) - the Judge ordered the "Mean Girls" star to stay away from the premises in the future.

Lohan will trot back to court on Feb. 23.

The sexy thespian is no stranger to the law.

The troubled starlet is currently on probation for a misdemeanor drunk-driving conviction.

And, allegations that she twisted the arm of a worker at the Betty Ford Center, are still under investigation.

In the media frenzy that followed the announcement of Lohan's new run-in with the law, her attorney released a statement to the press, in which he stridently acknowledged that the actress would fight all criminal charges tooth-and-nail.

Meanwhile, legal analysts note that Lohan could be ordered to appear before a Judge in a Beverly Hills court in the near future, to determine whether the grand-theft charge constitutes a probation violation warranting jail time.

News at 11!

http://www.thetattler.biz



Airport Courthouse scene of latest media blitz!

Lindsay Lohan..."Reform School Girls" next? B Movie limbo...

 

 

Lately, Lindsay Lohan's life has started to emulate a bad B Movie script, don't 'ya think?

One minute, the sexy starlett is struggling with her sanity (some would prefer she be trussed up in a straight jacket pronto), the next - she's giving a Judge the finger (well - ten - actually).

Now, it appears that Ms. Lohan is either in rehearsal for a flick about "Reform School Girls" - or just maybe - she's auditioning for the juicy role of "Frances Farmer" in an upcoming film bio.

Who knows?

According to insiders, Ms. Lohan assaulted a staff member at the Betty Ford Clinic, during her (um) respite from the after-hours night-club scene - at a resort for the humbled elite - who tend to be drug-adled or prone to gulp down a drinkie-pooh (or two) a tad too ambitiously!

Say it ain't so, Lindsay!

At a Press Conference yesterday, authorities confirmed that they responded to a 911 call - at which time - an employee of the infamous Betty Ford Drug Rehab Center accused the troubled show-biz personality of physical battery.

On the heels of the scandalous outburst - behave now, bitches! - the worker was terminated apparently.

But, the unexpected turn-of-events, only added grease to the fire!

"Wrongfully terminated," a lawyer has lamented to all within earshot.

The legal eagle has argued that the filing of a police report does not rise to the level of a breach of confidentiality, after all.

Picky! Picky! Picky!

His client only seeks compensation for her injuries (and the insult), after all!

What position does management at the reputable Betty Ford Clinic take?

"The worker violated patient confidentiality by speaking with the media," a spokesperson asserted for the record, without batting a sober eye.

A little bird tells me Ms. Lohan may be trotting back to Court in the event the incident is construed as a breach of her probation.

News at 11!

http://www.thetattler.biz/

Lindsay Lohan...jailhouse quote of the day!

Care to lei with me?

I was cruising the Internet at break-neck speed, when I suddenly caught sight of an eye-catching web page graced with a slick publicity still, with a hilarious caption below which was clearly the quote of the day.

"Lindsay has fans in jail."

Duh!

You don't say?

I suppose, if Ms. Ultra-chic chick plays her cards right in the romper room, the she-beasts will be waiting on her hand and breast!

Wink! Wink!

Ba-dump.

http://www.julianayrs.com/

NINE...scripted material for Sophia Loren disappoints! Daniel Day Lewis mesmerizing...

Sophia Loren short-shrifted in NINE!

To pen a proper review of  the movie "NINE" - currently in wide release at the Grove (Fairfax District) and elsewhere - would be a strenuous exercise.

Some critics loved the big budget feature; others, hated it.

When it gets down to brass tacks, the filmmaking experience is all in the eye of the beholder.

With this in mind, I'll focus on a few highlights, and a couple of the depths the boutique film free-falls to at the drop of a clown hat.

The portrayal of a brooding (slightly eccentric) womanizing Italian film director - by Daniel Day Lewis - is mesmerizing.

On occasion - Lewis hams it up in a melodramtic moment or two  (must be the violins in the mid-heavens egging him on) - but for the most part the seasoned pro turns in a stellar even performance.

Unfortunately, Sopia Loren got saddled in a role that was a total waste of her God-given gifts.

When the producer  rang her up with the offer, her immediate response should have been:

"Ciao baby!"

During one scene in particular, I winced at the ghastly disaster unfolding on the silver screen, in the near-to-capacity house of sophisticated ticket-holders.

The thousand points of light that winked in the backgronund - when Loren's character led her young son across a terrace as she warbled a Disney-style tune (!) - couldn't illuminate why the legendary screen siren bothered to sign on the dotted line.

That Weinstein dude must be a pretty persuasive snake-oil salesman, alright!

That tacky musical interlude deserves an honorary spot in filmdom's anals of shame right alongside the stinker - "Myra Breckenridge" - and - "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" - no kidding!

When the camera focused on Kate Hudson's  character in a close-up, I sat bolt upright in my plush seat; after all, a double-chin was staring me in the face.

The shot was so unflattering, I was forced to seriously consider that the perky blond was on the outs with either the director - or the cinematographer - at least!

Maybe, no one gave a hoot!

If you like show-stopping musical numbers, there are a couple of dazzlers in NINE, which I soon found myself tapping my foot to.

A bevy of the talented dancers (both male and female) weren' too shabby to gaze upon, either.

Sorry to say, a Nicole Kidman solo underscored the lack of range in her sweet (wavering) voice.
I laughed out loud when the director complained to a friend about the conduct of passers-by in the street (at a turning point in the mostly-entertaining movie).

"They point at me and stare," he accused with a tinge of annoyance in his voice.

My own dilemma these days, as I shy away from prying eyes, that seem to follow me wherever I go.

Yeah, it's tough being famous.

In the final analysis, the moral of the story rings out crystal clear.

Just get your bearings, and the reality of the meaning of life, will jump up and bite you on the nose one  fine day.

Everything else is just a lot of mystical hokus-pokus, conjured up by the Gods, to tempt a fall from Grace.

Trials & Tribulations of fame!

http://www.julianayrs.com

Jane Fonda...tired old grouch!

Jane's G spot!

When Jane Fonda (infamous for using the "c" word on morning talk shows) breezed out of a function the other evening, the over-the-hill starlet was confronted with a gaggle of fans and a swarm of paparazzi.

With her head down - and tinted shades in a snug fit on her snoz (in spite of the fact it was the twilight hour) - the Barbarella babe was inclined to sign a handful of autographs grudgingly.

But, the bad attitude of the jaded old grouch got the best of her when TV newsies (TMZ crew among 'em) fielded a few questions her tired old way.

"Who has the best work-out video," one asked enthusiastically.

Without batting an eye, the star flung out an acid retort.

"I don't care!"

Undaunted, another cub reporter asked Fonda what she thought of the Obama stimulus package.

"Stimulating," she huffed in exasperation.

Keeping you up late, Missy?

Before the seventy-something show-biz trooper stormed off (in what appeared to be a drug-induced stupor) she was quizzed about who she'd like to tread the boards with again.

Ignoring the thrust of the question, she selfishly lamented:

"I like to work!"

By the time Ms. Fonda (who was ushered into show biz on the good graces of her respected father - yeah, Jane's just another spoiled show biz kid - born with a clap board in her big mouth) stormed off, a fan or two appeared to be at-the-ready to wipe their a** with her signature.

Wouldn't you? After all, her conduct was deplorable.

They didn't call the once-perky dame "Hanoi Jane" for no good reason!

http://www.julianayrs.com