RED...Bruce Willis big budget bore! Turkey tasteless...

 


 

As far as spoofs go, it went badly.

Blame it on a poorly-developed idea (book adaptation), badly-written script, and a star past his prime - who lacked the good sense to quit - while he was ahead of the game.

Even the normally-formidable talents of elegant Helen Mirren and quirky John Malcovich couldn’t save a Die Hard star’s vanity vehicle intended to end a long drought.

Not much to crow about, Bruce.

Sight gags went awry, dialogue fell flat, and the old Willis screen charm - what there was of it - wore thin a few minutes into the lame flick.

Frankly, I dozed off half-the-way through this studio clunker, which was short on laughs - and thanks to Demi’s ex - too long in the tooth to rustle up any enthusiasm for its cardboard characters and muddled plot.

The basic premise - a posse of retired spies break into a secure Law Enforcement Agency to ferret out information on a hit - stunk to high heaven.

In fact, the writers must have been smoking some of the leafy green stuff at a rally for the legalization of marijuana in sunny Cal, when they tossed about this dumb scenario in the development phase.

I expect the box office receipts will be sobering when the word gets out.

In a nutshell?

Red is a overcooked turkey that causes the stomach to turn.

Excuse me, while I go and throw up!

http://www.thetattler.biz/



Bruce Willis infectious grin now a grimace!

Sherlock Holmes...robust turkey with lots of stuffing! Ritchie goes off half-cocked...

Jude a sexy sidekick

Today Sherlock Holmes opened in wide release at Theatres around the country.

How fitting that Guy Ritchie and the studio (Joel Silver/Producer) chose to unveil their stab at the detective genre on Christams day.

After all, this big-budget fiasco is one robust Turkey, complete with all the trimmings (heavy on gummy stuffing and basted on the outside to yummy perfection for gawking at on the banquet table).

Unfortunately, Richie's offering leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

Was it the work of the Devil?

Or, did too many cooks (four screenwriters toiled on this fruit cake during the course of production) end up spoiling the sauce?

Mind you, as far as period pieces go, this entry is definitely a stunner.

The sets are lush, for example.

And, the whole film is buttressed up by the capable hands of a master cinematographer with a keen discerning eye.

But, as one astute critic noted succinctly, the plot is convoluted.

Golly, at one point - in spite of the fact a posse of villains were tearing up the landscape ad nauseam and making quite a ruckus along the way - I dozed off.

When I turned to apologize to filmgoers on each side of me, I caught them comfortably snoozing in their plush seats, too.

In a nutshell, Sherlock Holmes is a diabolical tale about sorcery and magic and the quest for power.

I confess, mystical tales about satantic rituals and the black arts - carried out with a dash of high drama and style - have the capacity to seduce (and captivate) an audience.

Here, however, Richie has conjured up alot of nonsensical hooey!

Notwithstandng the obvious, his directing style is also nothing short of harried.

In a short film, a handful of the clever techniques he facilitates here - might curry favor.

But,  in a two-hour feature, they  end up being an exercise in repetition - and ultimately - futility

Madonna's ex has a bad habit of painstakingly explaining the obvious (flags a dead horse alot)) - which is an insult to intelligent filmgoers - that won't be long forgotten.

Downey, as expected, manages to go against the tide and rise above the deadweight to the surface - and in the process - turns in an entertaining performance in spite of the shackles that continually attempt to drag him down in this ceremonial barge set adrift without a rudder to keep it on a course worth following.

At one juncture, when Professor Moriarty's name is uttered up casually at the close of the tepid potboiler, it's obvious to any dim-witted fool there will be a sequel sauntering into a theatre near film buffs soon.

If Ritchie signs on the dotted line to helm it, there won't be much to look forward to.

Doesn't take a master sleuth to fathom that out!

Too much stuffing, Guy!

http://www.julianayrs.com