Andy Dick...bounced & busted! Grabbing crotch is a no-no...

Dick's gonna be someone's bitch now!

I was trying to track down the Johnny Depp RIP rumor on twitter this evening when I stumbled across a real-life headline that was a bit of a shocker.

Andy Dick (ironically) was bounced & busted for allegedly grabbing the crotch of an employee at a bar in West Virginia.

The local police issued this statement to the press:

"Based upon statements of two victims and independent witness accounts alleging that he had engaged in unwanted and uninvited groping of the two victims' genital areas, Andrew R. Dick (AKA Andy Dick) of South Pasadena, Calif., was arrested and charged with two counts of Sex Abuse in the First Degree."

That's the least of his problemos, though!

Because the off-beat comic is currently on probation, a trip to the local jailhouse may be a sign of what's on the horizon, as the new year kicks into high gear.

Sex behind bars!

Bail was posted, though, so he's "out" for the moment and expected to appear before a Judge to answer to two counts of felony sexual abuse.

Obviously the promoters are a tolerant (forgiving) lot, otherwise, they would not have sprung sixty-thousand bucks to engender (!) a quick  exit from the county pokie.

If you want to catch a letch (and a perv) in action, hop on the latest cheapie budget flight out to West Virginia; after all, the down-on-his luck (but brimming with wild sexual abandon) lad is still slated to tread the boards come Saturday and Sunday night.

Maybe the owners should toy with the idea of re-naming the comedy hot spot something more risque under the circumstances.

The Funny Boner Comedy Action Club!

In the prior incident (wherein it was alleged he pulled down a teenager's skimpy tank top) Dick pled guilty to a misdemeanor battery charge, agreed to probation, and nodded okay to a stipulation that he strap on an ankle bracelet so authorities could keep track of the unpredictable off-the wall comic day and night.

Is rehab on the way?

News at 11!

http://www.julianayrs.com/

Mercedes Benz...luxury auto flawed!

Every day you learn something new!

This morning, a friend of mine needed a jump-start after leaving his parking lights on all night, and running his battery down.

Sounds a lot like his personal life!

After dragging out the cables, and lifting up the hood so it could be seen in plain view by motorists driving by, he innocently batted his eyes as he prayed inside that a good Samaritan would careen to a halt and lend a helping hand.

"Do you always depend on the kindness of strangers," I quizzed him jokingly.

"That's how I ended up tying the knot with most of my lovers!"

Yeah, I'm familiar with all the boy-toys he's hauled into the sack.

The lusty love affairs usually started off with a bang, then whimpered away a few weeks later in the dark good night!

Uh-huh.

I'm cynical when it comes to matters of the heart.

But, back to the WeHo Lothario.

After a scant few minutes, a pretty young woman (a smattering of 'em feel safe among gays) sashayed down the quiet side street with her adorable Chihuahua in tow.

When she laid her soft brown eyes on the sorry son-of-a-gun, she was quick to enter the fray.

"Everything okay?" she softly purred.

So, he started up with his tawdry tale.

The generous gal offered to jump - er - give him a boost.

So, he was in like Flynn!

Imagine that, the down-to-earth sweetie was tooling around town in a top-of-the-line spanking new 2009 Mercedes Benz.

Now, his experiences with all the old junk piles he cruised around the neighborhood over the years (that he actually called cars), would come in handy.

For starters, the good Samaritan couldn't fathom how to open the hood of the spiffy roadster!

But, fate was not with my brewskie buddy, after he popped the latch.

After scanning the engine for the location of the battery for a nano second or two, he threw up his hands in disgust.

Nada.

"I'll call the dealership and ask where the it's located," she smiled sweetly.

But, shortly after a snippet of conversation went down between her and the salesman at the lot, her mood noticeably shifted.

"Something is up. And, it doesn't sound kosher," my intuitive pal was inclined to surmise.

"A no-go?" he overheard her mutter under her breath.

As it turns out, a Mercedes - in particular, her jazzy model - does not have the capacity to jump-start another ailing auto down on its luck by the side of the road.

Nope, her Mercedes is not the - "little engine that could" - by any stretch of the imagination.

So, what is the moral of the story?

Always flag down a robust all-American car - preferably made by Ford - to ensure you get the jump-start you need when your battery needs charging up.

In closing?

As Peter Falk would say:

"Just one more thing".

Did you know when a number of school children were recently showed a peace sign in class, a large percentage of the students thought it was the logo for Mercedes Benz?

The "Status Generation".

That's what I call 'em.

http://www.julianayrs.com