Oscars...Starlets & Studs stumble on fashion circuit @ Kodak Theatre! Swank surprisingly feminine!

Horizontal line at flubber waist a no-no

(Virginia Madsen)

Quite a few of the fair sex alighted from sleek black limos purring at the curb on Hollywood Boulevard last night in dazzling cocktail frocks fashioned in blood-red, as their macho counterparts abandoned the peacock "look" in favor of chic black finely-cut silhouettes, and a daring fashionista-or-two took a gamble on stylish adventures which more-often-than-not came apart at the seams when the prying eyes of the paparazzi zeroed in.

In sum, the little Gold Statuette has - for the most part - taken a back seat to the fashion circuit as a rule, as savvy social-climbing starlets (and enterprising studs on their bejewelled pearly-white arms) turn out to best one-another in outfits that amount to a handful of misguided silken threads tossed over bodacious - sometimes bimbo-inspired - half-naked bods.

A chic understated look is preferable to moi, but some - like hefty Queen Latifa, for example - have tossed caution (and their considerable weight) to the wind with disastrous results.

Uh-huh!

The God-awful trend - riddled with one glaring faux pas after another - persisted on the red carpet at the 83rd Annual Oscar Award at the Kodak Theatre last evening.

Although one of the beaming hosts (Anne Hathaway) snapped up nods of approval for her pretty frothy frock - over-sized mamma's like Virginia Madsen - caused style icons to twitter on the sidelines:

"Gosh, if only the fat lady would sing! This fashion fiasco could call it a night!"

A gaggle of par-tay stalwarts sashayed down the gauntlet in get-ups - Michelle Williams and Reese Witherspoon, for starters - that flip-flopped.

Nicole Kidman was beaded, padded, and fit to be tried - by the fashion police - by golly!

Meanwhile, Helena Bonham Carter was strapping - and strapless - with scraggly "do" crowning the unsightly mixed-up mash.

On-the-other-hand, Marissa Tomei's virginal spring special was overly-designed with matronly fashion flourishes, that bogged her youthfulness down.

Gwyneth Paltrow was a sexy bombshell, alright - which left a nasty aftertaste, though - metallic as hell.

And - sigh - Melissa Leo was obviously sleep-walking in her poorly-fitting gown which appeared to be fashioned out of a bath-room curtain or two.

Annette Bening's slinky cocktail nightmare was inside-out with unsightly seams showing.
Ouch!

Halle Berry - known as "scary Berry" in divorce circles - was sparkly, however.

The town was a-buz in respect to sultry Mila Kunis, who tripped-the-light-fantastic in a showy-gown splashed up with nubile flesh, which hinted at naivety.

Hailee Steinfeld - in Royal Blue (wrinkled) fabric - was too darn matronly (if 'ya ask me!).

As to the dudes, well, James Franco couldn't hold a candle to Marilyn (or any dummy female impersonator stupid enough to try to capture her dazzling star persona on-stage-or-off).

Billy Crystal?

If the lapels on that tux were any wider, he'd take flight when the next gust of wind fluttered in, unexpectedly.

Nope not even the zesty vigor (or sexy appeal) of the great white hope - James Franco - was capable of  boosting up the boot-straps of a posse of fops, fellas!

For instance, Russell Brand's purply-hued suit - teamed with a clashing striped shirt and lifeless black tie - screamed out the obvious:

"Big bucks can't buy 'ya taste (or love, for that matter, either)."

If Billy Crystal's lapels were any wider, he would have blown away in the stratosphere next big gust of wind!

Christian Bale (winner of best supporting actor for The Fighter) was in the right corner when he elected to sport a chic black designer suit and dark tie.

But, poor grooming - and bold-faced efforts to attain a wild he-man persona - nixed the otherwise fashionably-attired effort.

Colin Firth, Zachary Levi, Justin Timberlake, Mark Buffalo, andGeoffrey Rush sported sporting black or dark grey tuxedos from popular designers such as Tom Ford or Gucci.
No wonder folks mentioned above either ended up on my Best or Worst Dressed list for 2010.

Need a reminder about "Who's Who" on the fashion victim list?

Post:  01/01/2011

http://ijulian.blogspot.com/2011/01/julian-ayrs-ten-worst-dressed-best.html

Post: 12/29/2010

http://ijulian.blogspot.com/2010/12/julian-ayrs-3rd-annual-worst-dressed.html

By the way, there were quite a few humorous moments during the CBS Broadcast, too.

Off-the-cuff humor - on the heels of live! stage disasters - included Hathaway's quick ad-lib about "folks needing a drink at home" - after she tripped over a best-actress-winner intro.

Meanwhile, critics compared James Franco's low-key style to that of a laid-back monologue for flicks like drug-themed comedies such as "Pineapple Express".

Did he ever actually say the word - "Dude" on air?

At times, Anne and James also poked fun at each other and the Network for their ratings-inspired folly.

"Anne, I must say you look so beautiful and so hip," Franco gushed at one point on stage.

"Thank you, James," Hathaway giggled,

"You look very appealing to a younger demographic, as well."

I expect that due to the overall dismal reaction to the Oscar extravaganza (yawn!) last night, that hosting duties will return to the predictable old farts next year.

See 'ya there!



Hillary Swank surprisingly feminine

(instead of so butch!)

http://www.thetattler.biz

Death...releases the spirit! But, the footprints remain...

Out-of-the-blue, now and then, a screwball comment glides into my e-mail box which causes me to scratch my head in disbelief.

Some folks are so ignorant about subtle Noble truths and glaring realities on this mortal plain of existence, that it boggles the sensibilities.

Yes, life is like a box of chocolates, rife with both treacherous land mines and awesome treasures.
.
The nerve of a pushy handfull is downright disconcerting, though.

For instance, over the weekend, two individuals (unknown to me 'til now) zipped off e-mails urging me to delete a post which contained negative comments about a pal of theirs who met an untimely death in a traffic accident recently.

One of the blustery characters tried a bit of psychology to bully me into zapping the offending post into oblivion on the grounds that "allowing" negative comments about a person - in this instant case, quite a despicable one - was disrespecful to the dead.

In a nutshell, the publication of the disparaging post was initially triggered because of shocking abusive conduct levelled at me during the course of a local film festival (all to my damage).

I was attending festival circuit screenings in my capacity as a Film Critic in the Los Angeles area, and in the nerve-wracking midst of zipping off upbeat posts for publication on the Tattler (from a make-shift Press Room hastily thrown together by the organizers at a local Mall), when the wiry little know-it-all strode up and chastized me for allegedly "hogging" a laptop.

What a heapload of BS!

Instead of being grateful for the thouands of dollars of free publicity - and flattering posts which triggered quite a few ticket sales at the box office - the demented gal continued to gun for me thereafter.

At every turn, she pestered and annoyed me whenever possible, in fact.

At this juncture, her snotty unprofessional conduct - and a gross lack  of organization at the Festival - inspired the idea for an expose on the film festival circuit.

For example, I tossed  the glare of the spotlight on disturbing behind the scenes screw-ups, a lack of organization on the red carpet which caused film honchos to groan and mumble, and the shoddy way festival officials and inexperienced "could-care-less" volunteers dealt with crowd control, celebrity guests, and so forth and so on.

The neurotic little whiff of a thing must have been sitting on her computer to catch my posts fresh off the laptop - because seconds after the article was published on line - she bolted  through the press room doors and made a bee-line for me, crouched down, and hissed:

"I want you to leave right now!"

"Okie Dokie," I mumbled, or something to that effect.

As I started to exif, she suddenly screamed at me in a nails-on-the-blackboard tone of voice:

"Why would you do that (post the nasty article)," she angrily demanded, as festival-goers lolling about nearby snapped to attention all ears.

"Because you're an asshole," I retorted.

She glared at me in shock and - for once  - was totally speechess.

"And," I quipped - almost as an afterthought - "You know what? I never used to think a woman could be an asshole. But, you are definitely an exception to the rule, obviously."

In a sincere effort to avoid any further altercations, I plucked up my briefcase, and headed toward the glass doors for a quick exit.

Just as I was about to step through the opening that beckoned, the looney co-ordinator suddenly grabbed the handle, and tried to slam the door in my face.

As I was about half-way through the exit, the screwball loser grabbed my body, and tried to physically prevent me from going my way.

Gosh!

One moment, the dizzy broad was demanding I leave the festival grounds - in the next - she was trying to prevent me from departing the press room in one piece.

As I dashed down the walk to get as far away as possible from the mentally-disturbed young lady, she proceeded to scream out at the top of her lungs:

"Security! Stop that man."

Huh?

I continued on in a bold-faced effort to escape her bizarre clutches.

However, as I started to trot across the parking lot, she came from the rear (spunky little spitfire!) and  yelled at shoppers in the Mall parking lot to detain me.

When I spied security about to cross my path, I came to a stop out-of-breath, and asked for his kind assistance.

"Some wacho festival employee is trying to hold me against my will," I managed to utter.

Almost on cue, she dashed up to the security guard, and demanded that he prevent me from driving off until her boss arrived on-the-scene.

The security guard, an intelligent thoughtful man, scolded her.

"Miss, you can't physically hold this man against his will. He hasn't done anything."

So, with a nod from the Mall employee, I headed off to my car.

That was the last night I ever saw Miss goody two-shoes alive!

Then, as aforementioned herein above, I learned a couple of days ago that the power-hungry festival nut lost her life during the course of a traffic accident recently.

For this reason, and "out of respect for her", a couple of friends asked that I delete the original post.

On the contrary, it shall remain in its published state on the world wide web, until the sorry day the Internet falls down and goes boom all around us.

For the record, I take the position that while death "releases" the spirit from this mortal coil, the footsteps of the individual (DNA, too) remain etched in space and mark their place in time (whether good, bad or indifferent).

The notion that the young woman's untimely demise should be worthy cause to delete the post - which reported on her shocking abusive conduct -  is sheer lunacy.

When Hitler died, was there a cry for an expungement of all documents and papers and things Hitler, and his gang of murderous thugs?

No, of course not!

If I am not mistaken, while obit authors handle the "dead" with kid gloves generally, it is not beyond History buffs to give a brief run-down on scandals and/or associations which may have plagued their sorry individual lives, which resulted in a fall from Grace, and so forth and so on.

The attainment of " Death" does not bestow great honors on the dearly departed.

So, why should life's chroniclers take a stab at polishing up flawed personalities on the world stage, after the last gasp has finally sealed their fate?

http:/www.julianayrs.com

Tom Cruise..."Knight and Day" slow out-of-gate! Top gun losin' it?

 

A role in the feature film - TAPS - was his first big break.

And, in an interview with Charlie Rose, the handsome actor poignantly recalled that it was a dizzying whirlwind turning-point in his career.

When he flew into town - Sean Penn (co-star) - not only picked up the aspiring wannabee at the airport - but also invited him to stay in a cottage on his property.

Do you suppose any hanky-panky went down?

Ah, so that's where those gay rumors started up!

As to the work itself, Cruise executes all his own stunts.

Frankly, I find that practise DUMB!

An actor's body is his "instrument' - a tool - which he facilitates to flesh out a character.

Without it, an actor is pretty much up a creek without a paddle.

Leave the tricky stunts to the professionals, Tom.

In the heady day of the eighties and nineties, Cruise was a megastar savoring all the trappings of a spoiled A-list performer.

The pint-sized performer actor could do no wrong.

Today, however, the fact that Mr. Cruise is a practising scientologist often gets the odd-ball mamma's boy into trouble.

But, nothing can hold a candle to the couch-jumping incident on Oprah or the fiery chat with Matt Lauer on the subject of psychiatry.

When those scary moments unfolded unexpectedy across the old boob-tube, the public's perceptions of the  diminutive star  flew all over the map.

Although Oprah's fave guest has managed to rehabilitate his image somewhat in the past few months - the talented "Interview with a Vampire" star - is facing other dilemmas.

Ticket sales have been dismal for "Knight and Day", for instance.

How would Tom  describe what Catheron Diaz (co-star) was like in four words?

"Bright, fun, generous, and talented," he smiled, after reflecting for a moment or two.

According to the Los Angeles Times, the film raked in a paltry $3.8 million opening day. 

In contrast, Tim Allen's new release - "Toy story 3 - rustled up 13 million Ka-chings.

Studio brass weren't totally in the dark about the bumpy ride ahead, though.

Sneak peaks at pre-release junkets determined that fans &  filmgoers in general weren't thrilled with the studio's quirky offering.

Roger Ebert gave the "comeback" film  three stars, though.

The NY Times called it "loud, seemingly interminable, and altogether incoherent."

"Hollywood has been buzzing the studio might drop 'MI4' - Mission Impossible 4 - if 'Knight' doesn't fair well at the box office," one insider whispered.

Like many a struggling actor, Tom can always fall back on waiting tables inbetween gigs.

.

http://www.julianayrs.com

www.julianayrs.com

Walk of Fame...Reese Witherspoon & Tina Fey get Star nod! Big "O" diminishes honor!

The red carpet was rolled out, limos purred at the curb, and the fans went wild!

Uh-huh.

The Chamber of Commerce tossed a chi chi  press conference  in true Hollywood-style to induct a posse of celebrities into the "Walk of Fame".

A smattering of stars - from myriad facets of the industry - will have their stage names etched onto pink-and-black terrazzo slabs - and thus - thrust  into the anals of the Hollywood elite.

Unfortunately - like Obama and his controversial Nobel Peace Prize - not all the receipients were deserving or up to snuff.

Big "O", for instance.

Although Ms. Oprey showed promise in "The Color Purple' many moons ago (Native Sun, too) the Hollywood heavyweight was soon relegated to the back burner in Tinseltown because the role of cheezy talk show host doesn't quite cut it.

In fact, her presence on the pretigious walk has diminished the stature of the honor.

I suppose a stretch of Hollywood - on the seamy end of town - will soon be reserved for reality-show "personalities" who may end up in that dicey part of Hollywood down 'n out one day once their ten minutes of fame runs out.

Worthy subjects celebrating the nod this past week included Donald Sutherland (Canadian Actor), Reese Witherspoon, Danny Devito ('bout time, sir!), Rascal Flatts (now there's a legend), chanteuse Melissa Etheridge, Gwyneth Paltrow (ho hum), the Muppets (it's no longer tough being green), and last - but not least in my showbiz diary - Penlope Cruz (thirty inductees in 2010).

Congrats, all!

http//www.julianayrs.com

Jennifer Lopez...reveals secret to increasing breast size for flick!

Jennifer sans stuffing

On George Lopez tonight, Jennifer Lopez (no relation) was asked how she managed to make her breasts look larger during the course of a pregnancy featured in the plot line of her latest comedy feature release (Back-up Plan).

What was the trick?

“Chicken cutlets,” she giggled.

The talk show host’s jaw dropped.

Huh?

Jennifer explained that raw chicken cutlets were strategically inserted into her bra to expand the breast size and get the right jiggle effect.

Yech!

 
http://www.thetattler.biz/

Tony Danza...those who can't do Television on prime-time...teach!

Tony Danza - under the A-list radar in Tinsel town lately - is all gung-ho about trotting into the reality TV arena.

If it's good enough for John & Kate - or Octamom - then Danza is all-primed-up and ready to bounce a bit on the slippery ropes to give it a sleazy whirl.

The boxer-cum-dancer (not a bad two-stepper) has been offered the role of a 10th-grade English teacher in a reality show titled "Teach".

When I was a student, studly Prof pickings, were slim to none.

"Teach", well, it's pure fantasy!

Now class, remember - "i" before "e" except after "c" - got it kiddies?

The likable, once studly actor - who appeared regularly on hit sitcoms such as "Taxi" - appears to be taking a bumpy slow-ride to obscurity.

Talk about reality!

Does the street-wise (former boxer) have the chutzpah to pull it off if he gets a crack at it?

If not, there's always Dinner Theatre, Tony!

http://www.julianayrs.com